Mindful Parenting Tips

June 2024

The Meditation Myth

If you want to learn to be a more mindful parent, consider trying the practice of meditation. Meditation trains you to respond to life consciously, rather than react unconsciously. So many people think they can’t meditate since their minds are too busy; however, that’s a common meditation myth.

Here’s the good news: a busy mind gives you the opportunity to practice. For example, let’s say you set aside a few minutes each day to sit quietly and notice your breath. You focus on different aspects of your breathing, such as:

The feeling of your chest or belly rising and falling
The coolness of the air as you inhale and its warmth as you exhale
The length of your inhale and the length of your exhale
The feeling of the air flowing over your upper lip as you breathe
The space between inhale and exhale and the space between exhale and inhale.

But your mind keeps wandering, no matter how hard you try to focus. No problem! Simply expect that your mind may wander – and when it does, gently bring it back to focus on your breath, even if it’s every second or two.

This refocusing on your breath helps to strengthen your “mind’s muscle.” Just as the repetitive motion of abdominal crunches can build your core strength, the repetitive action of noticing distractions and refocusing on your breath builds your ability to become mindful.

To help you manage the wanderings of a busy mind, you may want to think of distractions as:

Clouds floating through your mind. Let the clouds pass as you gently rest your attention on your breath.
Boats, traveling along a river as you sit and watch from the riverbank.
Chattering birds. Hear the chatter without giving it meaning, and then let it fade to the background.
Snowflakes in a snow globe after it’s been shaken, gently settling on the floor of the globe.
The rings around a skipping stone on a lake’s surface. Imagine the space between the rings becoming wider and wider.

If you’d prefer to practice with a focal point other than your breath, many alternatives are available. You can try listening to a repetitive sound, such as ocean waves (recorded or live.) You can silently repeat a word or phrase with each breath. (Examples are “peace,” or “love,” or “light.”) You can try a visual focal point, such as a candle, focusing on it with a soft gaze. You can try a tactile focal point, such as smooth stone or a string of prayer beads that you hold in your hand.

As you sit down to meditate, remember that your mind may not completely quiet down. As discussed, needing to have an empty mind to meditate is a common meditation myth. Simply welcome distractions as they arise and realize that they are part of the practice.

Show Your Child 5 Ways to Take a Mindful Pause

Want to teach your child a valuable lifelong skill? Show them how to take a mindful pause. Rather than responding automatically to life’s experiences, pausing offers them an opportunity to respond intentionally.

Here’s a representation of how pausing works: Place your hands in front of you, palms down, with your two index fingers joined together lengthwise. Let’s say your left index finger represents life and your right index finger represents your response to life. Often, there’s no space between life’s events and one’s response to them, as is shown by the position of your fingers.

Now, separate your fingers so there’s space between them. This space represents a pause – a mindful pause – where one can make a conscious choice about how to respond to what happens in life.

If you’d like to share ways to take a mindful pause with your child, here are five examples to get you started:

If you’re about to post on social media, pause. Consider, is the post a positive one? Is it a post you’d want a college admissions department to see? By taking a moment before posting, you can avoid sharing content that you’ll later regret.
At mealtime, pause occasionally to notice the smells, tastes and textures of your food. Notice each bite as you lift your fork, chew and swallow. If you want a second helping, check in with your body first. Are you still hungry or are you taking seconds automatically? Eating mindfully can lead to healthier food choices and greater pleasure during mealtime.
If a friend is talking to you, pause and notice the quality of your attention. If your mind is wandering or if you’re thinking about what you want to say next, shift your attention back to your friend. When you listen closely to others, they’ll likely feel seen and heard – and your relationships will become stronger.
If a classmate offers you cigarettes, drugs or alcohol, pause. Consider how the substance will affect you, mind and body. Consider what it would be like to “just say no.” Instead of automatically succumbing to peer pressure, taking charge of your decisions can be a source of personal empowerment.
If you feel anxious while taking an exam, pause. Check in with your body. Feel your feet connecting with the ground. Notice your breathing. You may want to take a couple breaths, noticing the coolness of the air as you breathe in and its warmth as you breathe out – or noticing your chest or belly rising and falling with each breath. This simple act of checking in with your body can help you focus on the present, rather than being caught up in anxieties about the future.

Most any situation will give your child an opportunity to take a mindful pause. Teaching them this valuable skill can help them live a more intentional life, both now and in years to come.

April 2024

Simple Mindfulness Techniques to Support Your Neurodivergent Child

If you’re looking for simple mindfulness techniques to support your neurodivergent child, consider trying body awareness. For instance, if your child becomes overwhelmed, gently encourage them to shift their attention from their mind to their body. This simple activity of noticing physical sensations may help them settle down.

Typically, mindfulness techniques take practice before they’re fully accessible. A common experience for those new to mindfulness (neurodivergent or not) is to become frustrated with their wandering minds. Let your child know that it’s the nature of the mind to wander – and if that happens, just to shift their attention back to their body, even if it’s every second or two. Tell them not to force their attention, but rather, just gently rest their attention on how their body feels.

Here are a few techniques to try. Practice for a few seconds or for longer, depending on your child’s attention span.

Notice the temperature of the air as you breathe. Becoming aware of the sensation of breathing is a handy way to notice physical sensations. After all, everyone breathes! You can guide your child through this exercise, saying, “As you breathe in, notice the coolness of the air. As you breathe out, notice its warmth. Once more. Breathe in and notice the coolness. Breathe out and notice the warmth. Another breath. Cool as you breathe in, warm as you breathe out. You can even silently say ‘cool’ as you inhale and ‘warm’ as you exhale.”
Notice the movement of your chest or belly as you breathe. Ask your child to place their hands on their chest or belly to notice its rising and falling as they breathe. Another option is for them to hold a stuffed animal to their body to help them notice its movement. You can either guide them through this exercise – or alternatively, they can silently say to themselves “rising” as they inhale and “falling” as they exhale. If you’d like, ask them questions afterwards, such as, “Where on your body did you notice your breathing?”
Notice the feeling of your feet connecting with the ground as you walk. While some may want to focus on their breathing, others may find more comfort in a “grounding” exercise, such as noticing the feeling of their feet connecting with the ground. To practice, walk slowly and pay attention to the soles of your feet each time they meet the ground. As renowned meditation teacher Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”

(For more information on simple mindfulness techniques to support your neurodivergent child, please refer to these studies on mindfulness in the here and now, improving emotion regulation ability in autism and emotional awareness and skills enhancement.)

March 2024

The Power of Being Heard

Do you have someone in your life that you can talk to about anything? Someone who won’t criticize you? When you’re in this person’s presence, you feel as if your viewpoint is important. YOU feel important. That’s the power of being heard. Now, imagine being that person in your child’s life.

Yet, giving your child 100% of your attention can be challenging at times. There’s dinner to be cooked, insurance forms to submit, work projects to finish – and the list goes on. With so many immediate tasks at hand, listening to your child can take a back seat.

For instance, let’s say you’re working on a big proposal for a client. Tonight’s deadline is approaching. Your child suddenly exclaims, “Mommy, I want to tell you what happened after school today!” Your first thought is, “Not now, I have too much to do!”

Rather than being dismissive, consider pausing, even for a few minutes – and offering your full attention to your child. Here are three tips that show your child you’re listening to them:

Be mindful of your body language: If it’s an inconvenient time to pause, pay attention to your nonverbal communication. Resist the urge to let out an exasperated sigh and instead, simply put down your work for a moment. Face your body toward your child and make direct eye contact. Position yourself at their level. See if you can convey a sense of interest by smiling, raising your eyebrows or widening your eyes.
Don’t deny your child’s feelings: For instance, if your child says, “Sammy turned his back on me when I said hello. I don’t think he likes me anymore!” Your impulse might be to “fix” the situation. A response like, “Don’t be silly! Of course he still likes you!” would negate your child’s experience and send the message that their feelings are not valid.
Listen actively: Paraphrasing your child’s words will likely help them feel heard. You can even repeat back the exact words your child uses. This technique may seem awkward, but it’s actually quite natural in conversation. “So, Sammy turned his back on you and now you don’t think he likes you!” Hearing their words reflected back will validate your child’s feelings and help them understand their experience.

While there are many ways you can tend to your child, try to practice techniques that align with your parenting style. Remember to pause and pay attention, so your child feels confident and valued. Additionally, listening mindfully helps build a trusting relationship that can serve you both in years to come. That is the power of being heard.

February 2024

Becoming Mindful Through Everyday Tasks

Want to become more mindful? You don’t have to schedule a special time to practice. Instead, consider becoming mindful through everyday tasks. Here are three examples to get you started.

Getting meals to the table

Providing food for yourself and your family encompasses everything from grocery shopping to meal prep to actually placing the food on the table. Or maybe it just means picking up a carryout order!

Here are some ways to bring mindfulness to these tasks:

As you shop, notice the colors and shapes of the fruits and vegetables in the produce section. Notice the sounds of items being scanned for purchase. As you prepare your meal, focus on the smells of the ingredients you’re cutting or cooking. As you carry dishes to the table, notice the temperature of the plates as you hold them. If you’re serving carryout order food, notice the packaging around the food as you unwrap it – its design and the way the container feels in your hand.

Bathing

Whether you’re bathing yourself or your child, this time of soap and water offers ample opportunity for mindfulness through sensory experiences.

Consider these ways to bring mindfulness to your child’s bath time:

As you begin to wash, notice the pressure and warmth of the water. Notice how the lather feels slippery in your hands – and how slippery your child’s skin becomes as you apply lather all over. You may want to notice the difference between the feel of soap or body wash lather from the feel of shampoo lather. Pay attention to the smells of the products you’re using.

Preparing for Bedtime

As you prepare yourself or your child for bedtime, bring your attention to the present moment by paying attention to textures, lighting and sounds – and even your own stress levels.

Here are a few ways to become mindful before it’s time to retire for the night:

As you change into your sleepwear, notice the softness or smoothness of the fabric in your hand. Notice the lighting in the room. Is it dim? If so, notice how the colors you see are more muted than they’d be in a brightly lit room. Notice any sounds you hear. Some people like to run a white noise machine through the night to help calm themselves or their child. If you notice that your muscles are tense, consider practicing a guided progressive muscle relaxation exercise before going to sleep.

Mealtime, bath time and bedtime are just three of the many times you can practice becoming mindful through everyday tasks. Consider that everything you do offers you an opportunity to be mindful by bringing your attention to the present moment.

January 2024

Just Three Minutes a Day

Looking to add more mindfulness to your life in the new year? Here’s a simple suggestion: devote just three minutes a day to being mindful.

First, let’s take a quick look at what being mindful means. Mindfulness is awareness of the present moment without focusing on the cycling thoughts in your mind – thoughts that can cause you to ruminate about the past or worry about the future.

Next, pick a time where you can commit to being mindful for just three minutes a day. Try to choose a time you associate with a regular activity – such as brushing your teeth in the morning, eating lunch or getting ready for bed at night.

One way to practice being mindful is to bring all your attention to what you’re experiencing with your senses, noticing what you smell, taste, see, hear or feel. Another technique is to bring all your attention to the feeling of your breath moving in and out of your body. If your mind wanders, simply refocus your attention, even if it’s every second or two.

Finding time to practice is essential, as illustrated by the following story, excerpted from the primer Meditation Illuminated: Simple Ways to Manage Your Busy Mind.

A man once approached a meditation teacher and asked him how he could find peace of mind. The teacher suggested the man take time every morning and evening to meditate. The man exclaimed, “But I don’t have time to do that! I’m a very busy man!” He pulled out his smartphone. “Look at all these emails I have to respond to! Please, suggest a much easier path.”

“How far is it from the desk in your office to the water cooler?” asked the teacher.

Puzzled by the strange question, the businessman said, “About 30 feet.”

“I’m sure you’re not working when you walk to the water cooler. So try focusing on your breath when you go to get a drink of water.”

The next day at work, the man remembered to focus on his breathing as he walked to the water cooler. As he walked to lunch, he realized he could focus on his breathing as well. In fact, he realized he could rest his awareness on his breath many times throughout the day. As the days progressed, he found more opportunities to focus on his breath until it became a habit – and he finally discovered some peace of mind.

You, too, can discover some peace of mind in the new year. Practicing every day, even for a few minutes, can help build a mindfulness habit. You may decide to increase your time to five minutes or 10 minutes – or even 15 minutes. But for now, consider starting with just three minutes a day in the new year.

December 2023

3 Techniques to Enjoy Family Gatherings With Less Stress

Holiday gatherings with family can be a joy-filled time. However, these gatherings can also be fraught with anxiety if you’re gathering with relatives you find challenging. If you’d like to enjoy family gatherings with less stress, mindfulness techniques can help.

When you’re mindful, you’re more likely to become aware of your thoughts. You may notice that you’re amplifying your stress by imagining what family members will say or do — for example, “My aunt always asks me when we’re going to have a second child. I hate when she does that!” or “My cousin is so argumentative. I just want to avoid him!”

Present Moment Awareness

As much as you can, try to focus on the here and now. Your aunt isn’t asking about expanding your family right now, and your cousin isn’t being contradictory right now. If you notice your mind wandering to negative scenarios, shift your attention back to the present.

A simple technique to help build present moment awareness is to notice what you’re experiencing with any of your senses. Notice the sunlight shining on the tree outside or notice the feeling of the ground beneath your feet as you walk. Or pause and focus on a couple of breaths, noticing the coolness of the air as you inhale and its warmth as you exhale.

Compassion

Another mindfulness technique to help you reduce stress is to practice compassion. Even if you don’t appreciate the behavior of certain relatives, see if you can think of them with empathy.

Perhaps you can muster up some compassion for your aunt and her tendency to ask personal questions. Or perhaps you can find some compassion for your cousin and his tendency to be so argumentative. The key is to accept people for who they are, since they likely won’t change. All you can do is change your response to them.

Commonalities

Finally, a third way to reduce stress with mindfulness is to look for commonalities. Having different belief systems or political views can often cause strife among family members. Rather than focusing on your differences, see if you can notice your common bonds.

Perhaps you share a deep love for the same grandmother. You may have geographical commonalities, growing up in the same region. You may have shared memories, such as a favorite pizza restaurant from many years ago. Or perhaps you both enjoy a similar sport or hobby. The more you notice your common bonds, the more you’ll realize how interconnected you actually are.

To enjoy family gatherings with less stress, remember these three mindfulness techniques: keep your thoughts in the present, practice compassion and look for common bonds. You may find that using these techniques will help you look forward to family gatherings in the years to come.

November 2023

Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask: Take Care of Yourself First

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, you’ve likely heard the flight attendant say, “In the event of an emergency, put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others.” Similarly in everyday life, it’s important to take care of yourself first, so you can be present and centered to the responsibilities of parenthood.

Yet, people often get caught up in the everyday demands of parenting and forget to take a moment for themselves. If this is the case for you, consider pausing once or twice during the day to focus on your breath. Practice for just one breath, practice for a minute or two — or practice longer, if you have the time.

A short breath meditation is a simple and effective tool to help you remain present and centered. You can also teach this type of meditation to your child or children and practice it together. Even the squirmiest child may sit still long enough to benefit from the practice. To start, sit in a comfortable position with your head and neck aligned with your spinal column. Without changing the position of your head or neck, gently lower your eyelids to a soft gaze or a full close. By lowering your eyelids, you’re reducing any visual stimulation that has the potential to distract you.

Next, bring your attention to the pace of your breathing without changing anything. Notice the length of your inhale and the length of your exhale. Breathe gently, paying attention to your breath either as it enters your nose or flows over your upper lip. See if you can notice the coolness of the air as you breathe in and its warmth as you breathe out. You may want to see if you can keep your full attention on just your next breath. And then the next one. And then the next.

October 2023

3 Ways to Cultivate Self-Kindness

If you’d like you and your family to be healthier and happier, try cultivating self-kindness. Research shows that being kind to yourself can actually improve your health.

Yet so many people are habitually self-critical. Perhaps they think they’re too loud, too quiet, too impatient, not smart enough, not rich enough or not thin enough. The list could go on and on.

The good news is that negative thought patterns can be changed through practice. Here are three mindsets that you and your family can practice to help cultivate self-kindness:

Release the idea of perfection.

People often want everything they do to be perfect, and they can become self-critical if they fall short. For example, let’s say you hit Send on an email before it was finished. Or worse, you send the email to the wrong person. What is your self-talk saying? Maybe it’s something like “Ugh! How could I be so stupid?”

Rather than engaging in negative self-talk, try affirming to yourself, “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.” This affirmation was developed by French psychologist Émile Coué, who believed in the power of optimistic autosuggestion. Since perfection can be too high a bar to reach, this affirmation can help you reach for being your best, instead.

Consider this: As a human being, you’re like a gemstone, constantly bumping up against your rough edges — and each time these edges get bumped, it’s like you’re being polished, or, in Émile Coué’s words, you’re getting better and better.

Gain perspective.

Often self-criticism centers around a particular event. Let’s say you forget to bring the snack for the soccer team, and you start berating yourself. “I can’t believe I forgot the snacks! What will the other parents think of me?”

Ask yourself: Will this matter a month from now or a year from now? Looking at the event as one point on a continuum of time helps ease the irritation of your error, just as adding pure water to salt can help dilute its sting.

Focus on the whole picture.

Consider world-renowned meditation teacher Thich Nhat Hanh’s famous quote: “No mud, no lotus.” Even though the lotus grows from a mucky bottom, it produces a beautiful flower.

To cultivate self-kindness, don’t just look at the mud — also pay attention to the lotus. They’re part of the same system, just as negative thoughts and positive thoughts are part of the same system. The invitation here is to see the whole picture and experience the beauty of the lotus.

September 2023

Strengthen Your Relationships by Releasing Your Judgments

Want to strengthen your relationships? Try releasing your judgments. Even though judgments help people navigate their way in life, they can also create roadblocks and obstacles, especially where parent/child relationships are concerned.

For example, consider Judy. She used to find fault with many of her son’s behaviors, whether it was the way he scrambled his eggs or the way he let his clothes pile up in the corner of his bedroom. She constantly corrected him, adding stress to their relationship.

However, once Judy began practicing mindfulness, she recognized the way she continually judged her son. This awareness helped her release her judgments before she voiced them – and without her constant corrections, her relationship with her son strengthened. Of course, if her son behaved in a way that was detrimental to himself or others, Judy definitely spoke up.

Judy attributed her ability to notice her judgments to her meditation practice. For instance, if she became aware of a thought while she meditated (I wonder if I can sell that house?) and then she noticed that she judged the thought (Oh no, I shouldn’t be thinking about that again, especially now while I’m trying to meditate!), she tried to release her judgment. She became a neutral observer instead (I notice I’m thinking about the house again.)

In this practice, she wasn’t judging her thoughts and feelings as “good” or “bad” – rather, she was noticing whatever arose as it was, without making internal comments. This simple act of noticing without judgment helped train her to become less reactive and see situations with a broader perspective.
For instance, she no longer criticized her son for piling his clothes in the corner of his room. She now realized that as a teenager, it’s her son’s choice about how he keeps his bedroom and his clothes. Judy still didn’t like his behavior, but her neutral awareness allowed her to be more accepting of his choices.
Judy noticed that even though her perspective had broadened, her judgments still continued to arise; after all, that’s part of human nature. But her ability to see her judgments clearly and then release them went a long way to becoming less critical of her son’s behavior, and as a result, to strengthening their relationship.

There’s an old saying, “If you can name it, you can tame it.” Releasing your judgments becomes much easier once you become aware of them. And a wonderful effect comes from being less judgmental of other people – you also become less judgmental of yourself!

30 Ways to Eat Mindfully

When you eat mindfully, you’re bringing awareness to as many aspects of eating as possible, so you can make food choices that are healthy for your body. Although anyone can benefit from mindful eating, it’s especially important for those who typically eat too much or not enough, make unhealthy food choices or eat to deal with emotions.

There’s no right or wrong way to eat mindfully. Here’s a list of 30 strategies to try, on your own and with your family. You may want to journal about your experience and even develop strategies of your own.

Prepare to Eat

Don’t eat from bags.
Put everything on a plate or in a bowl.
Create an attractive and peaceful eating place.
Make your meals visually appealing.
Sit while you eat.
Pause for a moment of gratitude before eating.
Eat a meal without doing any other activity, e.g., looking at a screen.

Notice Your Food

Notice the color, smell and arrangement of the food on your plate.
Consider how the food arrived on your plate, including the harvesting of the food and the trucks transporting it – or the seeds that you grew.

Notice Your Frame of Mind

Are you aware of the food you’re eating or is your attention elsewhere?
Do you have the patience to eat mindfully?

Notice Your Body

Notice the pace of your breathing.
Is there any tension in your body?
Is your mouth tensed in anticipation?
Is your stomach empty or full?
Are you slouched or sitting upright?

Notice the Pace of Your Eating

Are you in a hurry to begin your meal?
Notice the pace at which you put food in your mouth.
Notice the pace of your chewing.
Are you in a hurry to get to the next bite?

Notice Your Bites of Food

Can you keep your attention on just this mouthful?
What is the size of the bite you are taking?
Can you finish chewing one bite before moving on to the next bite?
Do you put down your fork between bites?
What is the texture of your food? How does it feel in your mouth?
What is the flavor of your food?
Can you notice the flavors changing as you chew?
Notice picking up food with your hand or utensil, moving your hand to mouth, opening your mouth, chewing and swallowing.

Listen to Sounds

Can you listen to the sound of chewing your food? Perhaps your cereal is loud and crunchy at first, but as you chew more, it has a softer sound.

Eat in Silence

Try eating a meal in silence with a friend or family or another group of people. It may seem uncomfortable at first if you’re not used to eating without conversation. The silence can help you become aware of the shared experience of eating mindfully and allow you to experience eating from a deeper level.

July 2023

Try a Walking Meditation!

Want to reduce stress but don’t have time to meditate? Try a walking meditation! This moving meditation can be practiced almost anywhere and anytime.

Let’s say you’re at work and receive a phone call from your child’s school. The teacher wants to meet with you to discuss some behavioral issues. Your mind starts spinning. To interrupt your cycle of anxious thoughts, simply take a short walk as you bring your attention to your feet. You can walk outside or even inside, walking down a hallway or corridor.

Practicing a walking meditation is simple.

Simply notice the soles of your feet as they connect with the ground. Does your toe or heel touch the ground first? Do they meet the ground at the same time? How does the surface you’re walking on feel – is it hard or soft? Slippery or dry?
Each time your attention is pulled to your spinning thoughts, notice them, then shift your attention back to your feet. If your attention wanders, be gentle with yourself. It’s the nature of the mind to wander. Just gently refocus on the movements of your body – even if it’s every second or two. This isn’t a practice of denying your feelings; however, it is a way to help you feel more balanced and centered, along with your feelings.
You can also silently repeat the words “lifting, moving, placing, shifting” to yourself to help keep your attention on the movements of your legs. As you lift your right leg, silently say to yourself, “lifting.” As you move your right leg forward, silently say, “moving,” as you place your foot on the ground silently say, “placing,” and as you shift all your weight to your right foot, silently say, “shifting.” Then begin the process again with your left leg: lifting, moving, placing, shifting. Continue silently repeating these words to yourself as you continue to walk.

A walking meditation is easy to fit into your schedule. Are you walking from your desk to the coffee machine? Focus on your steps for those 30 seconds. Are you walking from your front door to your car? Again, focus on your steps. Each time you transition from one place to the next, you have the opportunity to focus on the present moment – again and again and again.

Finally, consider teaching your child how to practice a walking meditation. Since little ones may have difficulty sitting still to meditate, this is a great way for them to learn to focus their minds. It’s never too early to learn!

June 2023

Three Simple Practices for Expectant Mothers

While a pregnancy can be a thrilling time for an expectant mother, it can also be a time of stress. Much of the anxiety might center around the unknown, especially for first-time mothers. They might wonder: How will I handle the delivery? Will my baby be healthy? How will I manage to juggle work responsibilities with caring for an infant?

Consider Mark Twain’s famous comment relating to worries about the future, when he wrote, “I’m an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.” To stay focused on the present, rather than lost in anxieties about the future, here are three simple practices for expectant mothers to try.

1. Focus on your breath.

Sit in a comfortable chair. Set a timer for a short period of time, e.g., 3 to 5 minutes. Try to relax your body as much as possible. Then gently bring your awareness to your breath, noticing your chest rising and falling or the coolness of the air as you breathe in and its warmth when you breathe out. Any time your mind wanders, gently bring your awareness back to your breath, even if it’s every second or two.

2. Focus on love and compassion.

Sit in a comfortable chair. Set a timer for a short period of time, e.g., 3 to 5 minutes. Try to relax your body as much as possible. Then gently bring your awareness to a feeling of love and compassion for this new life. You may want to lightly rest your hands on your belly and direct your breath to your belly and to your baby nestling inside of you. Any time your mind wanders, gently bring it back to a feeling of love and compassion for your new baby.

3. Focus on the present moment in daily activities.

As much as you can, try to keep your mind in the present moment, rather than lost in stories about the future that may or may not be true. When you’re walking, gently bring your attention to the soles of your feet touching the ground. When you’re bathing, gently bring your attention to the feeling of the soap on your skin or the feeling of the warm water on your body. When you’re eating, pay attention to the pace of your eating and the taste of your food.

The more an expectant mom can keep her attention focused on what’s happening in the present, rather than lost in anxiety about the unknown, the more she may discover a life that is filled with more ease. Of course, these same types of practices are important to continue once the baby is born, as that time will come with a whole new set of unknowns!

May 2023

Tips for Parenting a Graduating Senior

Is your high school student graduating in May? If so, it’s a good time to reflect upon your relationship. The norms that were in place when your student was younger will need to evolve as your child approaches adulthood.

If you want to bridge the gap from parenting a high school student to parenting a young adult, these mindfulness tips will help foster a smooth transition.

Revisit household ground rules.

Be mindful that your child is becoming a young adult and the household norms may need to change. Whether your child is going to college, taking a gap year or entering the workforce, you may need to continually remind yourself that your little one has transformed into a young adult. Are the ground rules from high school still appropriate? How about that first visit home during a college break – what sort of curfew, if any, will you put in place? Of course, the answer to these questions depends upon the particular needs of your household.

Mutual respect is key.

As you revisit your household ground rules, make sure to take into account your own needs, along with the needs of other family members. Even though your child’s lifestyle has changed, the routines of others in the household may not have changed. For example, ground rules that respect family members’ need for a good night’s sleep may be necessary, while still giving your child the freedoms that come with graduating high school.

Be willing to see your child with a fresh outlook.

The transition after high school can be a time of great change for young adults – and also a time when they may redefine their approach to the world. The change might be as simple as keeping an orderly college dorm room when their bedroom at home was typically in a state of disarray. The change might be signing up for a gap-year adventure when they had been risk-adverse during their high school years. The change could even be small but meaningful, such as shedding a childhood nickname. Seeing your child with fresh eyes will help you relate to your budding young adult, rather than relating to a version of your child from years ago.

Although your student is the one making the major transition, it’s also a time of change for other household members. By being mindful, this time of parenting a graduating senior can be filled with ease and enjoyment of each other’s company.

April 2023

A Mindfulness Practice to Enhance Your Well-Being

Parents who regularly meditate enjoy a wide range of benefits, including less stress and more patience. If you’d like to learn to meditate and experience its many benefits, here are some tips to get you started.

How to Meditate

Start by sitting on a chair or floor cushion. Keep your spine straight, but not rigid – and aligned with your head and neck. Gently close your eyes. Try to release any physical tension, keeping your body relaxed but your mind alert.
Choose a neutral focal point that doesn’t stimulate your mind. This is called your anchor. Commonly used anchors are the feeling of your breath or body, a word repeated silently, such as peace, repetitive sounds, like ocean waves – or an object to hold, like a smooth stone.
Rest your attention on your anchor. Whenever your mind wanders, gently refocus on your anchor. For beginners, this may be as often as every second or two. Continue gently refocusing on your anchor for the rest of your practice time.

A Place to Meditate

Create a dedicated meditation space in your home or office. You can devote a whole room, a corner of a room or even a favorite chair. Include items in this space that you associate with meditation – for example, plants, candles or books of readings for before or after your practice.

The Time to Meditate

Start with a short amount of practice time, such as two to three minutes, setting a timer if you’d like. As you become used to practicing, gradually increase your time to 15-20 minutes a day.
Meditate at the same time each day, trying to schedule meditation before or after a regular activity, such as brushing your teeth.
To minimize distractions, consider practicing when your household is quiet.
If you skip a day, be gentle with yourself. Just make sure to practice again as soon as you are able.
Even on days when you don’t want to meditate or you’re limited on time, try to do it anyway. Remember, meditating for a few minutes is more beneficial than not meditating at all.

The Practice of Meditation

Accept your wandering mind. Meditating isn’t meant to suppress thoughts and feelings. Consider distractions to be like a cloud passing or boats floating by as you watch from the riverbank. Allow them to pass without judgment, and gently refocus on your anchor. The repetitive action of refocusing trains you to become mindful.
Try different anchors on different days to help keep you engaged.
Meditation is not always relaxing. Sometimes it can be tedious. This is part of the practice.

When you learn to meditate, you’ll be joining millions of people world-wide who enjoy meditation’s profound benefits. To find out more about meditation, visit joyrains.com/resources/.

27MARCH 2023

A Mindfulness Practice to Enhance Your Well-Being

Do your habitual thoughts and behaviors create stress in your life? If so, try this well-known mindfulness practice to enhance your well-being: Beginning Again. Rather than being locked into automatic responses, approach each situation with a fresh outlook – letting go of expectations and judgments.

For example, does your self-talk include “always” statements? “I always need to eat dessert after dinner.” “I’m always anxious when I travel by airplane.” “She always says stuff that makes me feel inferior.”

If this is true for you, take a moment to notice your thoughts.

Be curious.
What would it be like to skip dessert after dinner?
What would it be like to board the plane without your story of being anxious?
What would it be like to simply listen to what she’s saying without being reactive?

Here’s an example of someone who always gets anxious when she travels across the Delaware Memorial Bridge, a dual-span suspension bridge crossing the Delaware River. Even though her husband typically drives, she’s terrified of being suspended over a body of water from this height. Traveling over this bridge is a frightening experience for her.

The next time her husband drives them across the bridge, she decides to try the practice of Beginning Again. Her first step is to become aware of her anxious thoughts. She notices she’s thinking, “This bridge is so scary! I’m afraid to travel across it!” She realizes she’s telling herself a story about the bridge, and she’s reacting more to her story than to the bridge itself.

Once she becomes aware of her thoughts, it’s time to gently shift her attention away from them. She shifts her focus to an external experience, noticing what she sees. She notices the physical characteristics of the bridge with a neutral mind. She says to herself “the bridge is so expansive. The steel girders are so high.”

This time she’s not adding her anxious thoughts to what she observes. She’s releasing her interpretation of what she sees. She finds this practice freeing. She’s amazed that in this moment her fear response has taken a back seat. All she’s aware of are the height and expanse of the bridge.

Letting go of habitual thinking patterns can be challenging. Awareness is the first step. Whenever you want to begin again, simply pause, notice and choose. You can enhance your well-being any time with this simple practice.

FEBRUARY 2023

A Simple Way to Cultivate Compassion

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, February is a perfect month to learn how to cultivate compassion. Even if you’ve never tried to develop compassion, the good news is that you can learn how with a simple mindfulness practice. Furthermore, cultivating compassion has numerous health benefits, including reduced anxiety and greater focus.

Here’s a simple practice, modified from the primer “Meditation Illuminated: Simple Ways to Manage Your Busy Mind.”

First, find a place to sit quietly – ideally, where you can remain uninterrupted for a few minutes or longer. Sit in a comfortable position and try to relax your body, letting your chair and spine support you, while releasing any muscles not being used to support you.

Once you’re comfortably seated, gently rest your attention on your breath for a few breaths or more. You may want to notice the coolness of the air as you inhale and its warmth as you exhale – or you may choose to notice your chest or belly rising and falling with each breath.

Then, when you feel ready, imagine a time when you felt love and compassion towards another living being – perhaps a loved one, a pet or even a stranger who offered you a small kindness. Take a couple of minutes to become aware of any images, sensations or feelings in your body and mind as you imagine sending these feelings outward.

Next, imagine a time when you felt love and compassion being directed towards you – by a parent, a child, a friend, a teacher, a pet or animal or a stranger smiling warmly. You could even imagine receiving love and compassion from the subject in a photo or painting who offers a loving gaze outward into the world. Take a couple of minutes to become aware of any images, sensations or feelings in your body and mind as you receive these feelings.

JANUARY 2023

3 Ways to Remain Mindful When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned

Have you ever found yourself in an unwelcome situation? Chances are that it triggered your stress response, especially if the situation caught you by surprise. The next time you encounter one of life’s challenges, consider trying these three techniques to help you remain mindful.

Be patient. Let’s say a young mother rushes her infant to the doctor. The child is burning up with a high fever. While the doctor runs diagnostic tests, the mother reacts as if the child has already been diagnosed with the condition he’s being tested for. Rather than waiting until the test results are in, she’s filling her information gaps with imagined stories of a dire outcome.

To remain mindful, the mother can recognize she’s creating stories that may not be true. She can remind herself to be patient while the testing is taking place, even affirming to herself “I’m willing to be patient as I await more information.”

Be present. Let’s say a family takes a hike in a national park. After a time, they find themselves upon a large field of boulders and realize they’ve inadvertently strayed from the trail – with limited provisions and no cell phone service. The group panics, realizing they could be lost for an extended period of time.

To remain mindful, they can pay attention to the task right in front of them: navigating the boulder field. Rather than getting lost in the “what ifs” about their situation, they can focus on carefully moving across the uneven rock surfaces until they can regain their bearings.

Be at peace – even for a moment. Let’s say that the head of a household lost her job, through no fault of her own. Her employer cut the workforce by half, offering little severance pay. The woman still needs to pay her bills and has limited savings to draw upon. She’s thrown into a tailspin.

DECEMBER 2022

Simple Tips for a Mindful Holiday Season

No time to meditate? If you can’t imagine adding one more thing to your lengthy “to do” list, no problem! You can reduce stress and experience a mindful holiday season by keeping your awareness in the present – instead of being caught up in thoughts about the past or the future.

Although many people think you need to sit in a quiet place with your eyes closed to meditate, consider trying other options. For example, you can practice any time simply by noticing your immediate experience. Here are some suggestions to get you started.

Shopping: Notice what you hear in the store, including the sounds of people conversing, holiday music playing and even volunteers ringing their bells for charity outside the store’s entrance.
Preparing to travel: Do you typically rush when you pack suitcases, backpacks and travel supplies? If so, see if you can prepare to leave in a more mindful way, with your attention on the here and now, rather than on what you need to accomplish next.
Traveling: If you’re delayed by traffic, see if you can become aware that others on the road are also delayed. Realizing that you’re part of a community impacted by a travel snafu can help you become more tolerant of the situation and of those around you.
Holiday baking: See if you can take your time baking, being fully present with your five senses as you notice sounds, smells, tastes, textures, colors and shapes.
Holiday gatherings: Try to be completely present to those you interact with, listening to them fully. See if you can focus on what they’re saying, rather than focusing on what you’ll say next.
Unwrapping presents: Notice the color or pattern of the wrapping paper, how tightly or loosely it’s wrapped and how the wrapping sounds as you tear it.
Lighting holiday candles: Notice how long it takes the wick of the candle to light. Notice the color and shape of the flame and any heat emanating from it.
Holiday rituals: Try to be fully present to holiday rituals you and your family may have, taking your time as you absorb the ritual’s meaning in your life, your family’s lives and the lives of your ancestors.

As the holidays approach, you may want to reflect on ways to create a mindful holiday season for both you and your family. If you find yourself getting caught up in regrets about the past or worries about the future, gently shift your awareness to what you’re experiencing in the here and now. Consider giving yourself a wonderful present this season: the gift of presence.