Is thinking about this year’s holiday gathering stressful for you? Perhaps you’re concerned about your aunt making her typical judgmental comments. Or maybe you’re dreading listening to your cousin, whose political views differ from yours. Although you may not have a choice about attending the gathering, you do have a choice about how to focus your mind.
As a mindful parent, the upcoming event offers an opportunity to show your children how to stay positive. If your children are older, you can even discuss your mental process with them. For example, “Although Cousin Rob’s views are different than mine, I respect that we can have different viewpoints and still be friendly with one another.” Or “Even though I don’t appreciate some of Aunt Mary’s comments, I still love her as a person.”
Here are a few tips to help you develop a positive mindset for the holidays:
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Notice Your Thoughts
Our realities are shaped by our thoughts. If you can, notice what you’re thinking prior to the event. Are anxious thoughts filling your mind, such as “I hope Cousin Rob leaves his politics at home this Thanksgiving!” or “I wonder if Aunt Mary is going to be critical of me?”
See if you can release the urge to imagine a stressful event. Any time you notice you’re envisioning a challenging time with family, remind yourself to stay present. You can even take a few breaths, silently saying, “I am living in the here and now.”
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Change Your Expectations
If you want someone to act in a way that meets your expectations – and if acting that way isn’t part of the person’s typical behavior – you’re bound to be disappointed. Simply put, you can’t get cherries from a lemon tree.
Rather than focusing on the challenges you have with your relatives, shift your focus to realistic and positive expectations. For instance, focus on the delicious pies that your aunt bakes or the funny jokes your cousin often tells.
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Accept People as They Are
Finally, accepting people for who they are not only goes a long way to reducing stress, it also helps build stronger relationships. Although your aunt and your cousin may not change their behavior patterns, you can still choose to think of them in a positive light.
If you notice that you’re making negative judgments about your relatives, see if you can find ways to appreciate them just as they are. Remind yourself that none of us is perfect; we are all works in progress.
This season, in addition to preparing the turkey, consider preparing your mind, so you can develop a positive mindset for the holidays. Although you don’t always have a choice about what happens outside of yourself, where you do have a choice is with how you respond to life’s events.
Joy Rains is a corporate mindfulness trainer and the author of Meditation Illuminated: Simple Ways to Manage Your Busy Mind. Learn more at joyrains.com.
