It’s a frustration all too familiar for some parents. After hours at the
kitchen table with your little one crunching numbers, erasing mistakes and
overcoming the emotions that come with a challenging assignment, they still
don’t get credit for their math homework. Somehow, it got lost in the chaos
of their backpack and when it came time to turn it in, it just wasn’t
there. Later, the cycle repeats, but maybe this time it’s a spelling quiz,
a writing exercise or a history worksheet.
Getting them to complete the homework is tough enough, but seeing them gain
the independence to put it away in their bag and turn it in on time is
another obstacle altogether. If this sounds like a common and seemingly
endless occurrence in your household, your child may be struggling with
their executive functions, a specific set of abilities developed over time
that allow them to complete everyday tasks.
“Your executive functions are everything you need to be a good student —
ability to plan, manage your time, study effectively, focus,” says
Katherine Firestone, founder of the Fireborn Institute.
Firestone opened Fireborn Institute in 2015 after teaching, working as an
executive functions coach and then getting an MBA to learn how to
successfully manage a nonprofit organization. Today, the institution’s
mission is “to provide parents with practical strategies they can use to
help their children thrive in school,” she says.
Executive functions are a set of cognitive processes that are necessary for
the cognitive control of behavior. Executive functions include basic
cognitive processes such as attention control, cognitive inhibition,
inhibitory control, working memory and cognitive flexibility. High order
executive functions require simultaneous use of multiple basic executive
functions and include reasoning and problem solving.
As a child, Firestone struggled with her own executive function skills in
school until she was finally diagnosed with ADHD in 11th grade. Luckily,
she had a supportive network of parents, teachers and tutors to lean on.
But not every parent knows what to do for a child who experiences such
challenges, explains Firestone.
When she worked as an executive functions coach, helping kids improve their
daily life skills, she would tell parents it would take about 12 weekly
sessions with her before they would begin to see real results in their
child’s development. But like any other kind of training, parents could
speed up the process by continuing the work at home. The problem was, many
parents lacked the skills to do so.
“That’s really where this idea for Fireborn came from,” she says. “Parents
want to be helpful. They don’t always know what the best strategy is.”
Essentially, Fireborn provides services to any parent who feels stuck –
it’s not just for parents of kids with ADHD or other learning differences.
It’s largely a digital company and the institute’s website includes videos
and podcasts on everything from tips for helping your child study
effectively to helping them succeed emotionally in an academic environment.
Firestone also gives lectures at PTA meetings and to other parent groups.
One popular discourse among almost all parents – especially those of fourth
through sixth graders — includes strategies for getting your kid out the
door every morning with their hair brushed, their backpack organized and
their lunchbox in hand.
In many cases, a clear conversation with your child can be the first step
in your strategy for improving their executive functions, Firestone says.
For example, imagine their closet is littered with disarranged clothes and
you ask them to organize the space. Later, when they tell you they’re
finished, the closet is still a mess. That’s their way of demonstrating
that they didn’t understand the task, Firestone says. The next step is to
do the work together — make them an active participant in the process and
narrate what you do and why you do it that way. When you’re done, snap a
picture so they can reference it the next time you ask them to repeat the
task.
The same steps can be applied to other challenges they may have, like
managing the papers in their backpack or helping out around the house.
The key to having this kind of age-appropriate conversation about your
expectations for your child is acknowledging their capabilities and
emphasizing their potential to learn by doing.
But whether their closet looks like it imploded, or their book bag is a
dark hole of crumpled homework, be sure of one thing: maintaining a
positive relationship with your child is crucial to helping him build the
skills he needs to be successful.
“Having a child who struggles with executive functions skills is so
frustrating. You take it personally. And that’s where you have to be so
careful because it’s not personal,” says Firestone. “Your child is not
lazy. Your child is not stupid. His brain is developing. He is doing what
children are supposed to do.”
If these clear, expectation-setting conversations seem to have little
results for your child, it may be time to turn to a child psychologist who
can explain whether your child needs more training on specific skills.
“They want you to see them as smart, capable human beings. If they’re not
achieving it, it’s not a reflection on you. They just need your help,” says
Firestone.
