New babies are game-changers who arrive with a flurry of activity that upsets old ways of doing things while introducing new ways. Especially if your baby will be the first grandchild, the transition from none to one will go more smoothly if you envision the future and communicate your parenting goals and expectations to the excited grandparents. It’s daunting to try to cover every possible scenario, but a strong start to good communication is simple.
Latest Guidelines
Even the most well-meaning grandparent may not be up on the latest thinking, so a useful first step is to spell out current norms for sleep position (side, stomach, back), swaddling, burping technique, car seat protocol, baby seat use, bathing, the introduction of solids and any other things that are related to health and safety. The easiest way to keep to the point is to tell those who will be interacting with your baby that these are the things your pediatrician recommends.
Social Media
Deciding who posts what and where can get tricky. Once an the image is out there, there’s no calling it back. So, set out your social media protocol from the get-go. Are pictures in family chats okay? What about posting to friends of the grandparents? Is the baby’s face showing? Back of the head only? Emoji over the face? Will the parents be approving pictures before they’re posted? How do you want this to work? Be clear about what you prefer and be sure to tell people before the first picture is posted.
Screen Time
What constitutes screen time in your new family? How much or what type is okay? If there is a complete ban, does that include grandparents texting on their phones with their grandchild sitting nearby? What about watching a movie or show while your child is there? Can your child join a Zoom while with the grandparents? Do you want to know first? Again, think it through and spell it out up front. Don’t just say it’s a complete ban; be specific about what that means.
Playtime
Are you going the non-electronic route? Wood toys only? The time to spell that out is before a toy with a dazzling array of pulsating lights lands in your child’s lap. Do you want genderless toys or a mix of traditional girl toys and boy toys for your play area? What about books? Board books? Cloth books? It’s likely that first-time grandparents are excited to interact with their new grandchild, so set the parameters and then let them get creative.
Household Hazards
It’s a good thing you don’t need to go through this every time you leave your kid; if you did, you’d never leave them! So set a time with your parents to babyproof the area where they’ll have your child. Remember to cover choking hazards. And, if you’d like them to practice infant CPR and first aid, this is a good time to tell them. Then, as your child reaches new developmental stages, talk about the next steps, especially if it’s been years since there was a young child in the house.
Top Things
Leaving your child with their grandparents for the first time can be tough. You know they raised you and you made it, but times have changed. And it’s your baby. So let them know the top things you need, even if you’re not sure they make sense to anyone but you. Do you want to know before they take your child outside for a walk – and where they’re walking? Say so. Do you want them to skip bathing your baby until the baby is old enough to sit up? Say so. Do those teething snacks give you nightmares? Let the grandparents know.
Write It Down
If your baby has a schedule, write it down. If there are foods to avoid, write them down. The pediatrician’s number and insurance info? Write it all down once so that the grandparents have it in hand.
Bottom line
The clearer you are with what you want for your baby, the clearer you can be with their grandparents. By taking the time to set the groundwork with them from the start, you create the opportunity for everyone to be on the same page as your baby reaches each new stage. In the long run, there will be a smoother ride for all of you. And that can only be a good thing for your growing family.
Gina Hagler is a freelance STEM writer and author. She also provides parents with family-friendly Language Arts ideas and materials at KidWrite!
