For our digital natives, online interaction is part of the new order. But
that doesn’t mean our kids don’t require old-fashioned parental guidance.
“Children today spend more time online than they do in school or with their
parents, so it’s vital to teach them how to be wise, competent and
empowered users of technology,” says Diana Graber, co-founder of
CyberWise.org.
Be curious.
Ask your kids what they like doing online.
“Surprisingly, what I hear from students is that they often feel their
parents take little or no interest in their online lives,” Graber says.
“And that’s too bad because conversation about the online places our
children visit is so important.”
Ask your kids to teach you to play their favorite online games. And don’t
be afraid to inquire about apps or games that concern you.
“If parents don’t get it out in the open, children may assume their parents
are ignorant about the topic and it will be easier to get away with certain
things,” says police detective John Stirling.
Promote positive digital citizenship.
Encourage respectful, polite behavior online. Use media reports to help
educate your children about what can go wrong and how to avoid making
mistakes that can haunt them for years to come. Emphasize that they can
turn to you if they ever run into a problem.
“A good family structure and support is crucial in the pursuit of helping
children avoid dangers online,” Stirling says.
Keep them safe.
Personal safety underscores why social media behavior matters.
“Social media allows the child predator an easier way to have access to
children because so many children are putting themselves and their business
out there online,” Stirling says.
Apps that allow for anonymity, unrestricted messaging and location matching
like Kik, Whisper and Snapchat are particularly attractive to child
predators.
“Talking with strangers has to be redefined in this generation and
generations to come,” says Jere Simpson, an adviser on internet security to
government agencies like Homeland Security’s Childhood Exploitation
Division and the FBI. “Now it means ANY type of communication with a person
you don’t know because, more often then not, their ultimate goal is to get
within physical proximity of you.”
That includes games that feature messaging capabilities. Consider turning
off wifi and invite your child’s friends to play together in-person
instead. Explain why texting with people they don’t know is dangerous, and
make a family rule that your child will give you a heads up if someone
tries to contact him.
Simpson recommends choosing games and apps owned by American companies,
which fall under the jurisdiction of the FBI and law enforcement. A simple
Google search will show you where the game’s corporate headquarters is
located. Also, predators typically avoid platforms where they can be easily
traced like Gmail, Gchat and Google Hangout.
“Google is an advertising company by way of technology. They’re the best at
knowing who you are, what you like, where you are – all of those things,”
Simpson says.
Mirror, mirror …
Your online reputation is a reflection of your off-line self and another
reason why online behavior matters. More employers and
schools conduct social media checks of applicants through simple Google
searches.
“We’re putting so much of our lives out on social media that finding
information about a person isn’t difficult, and you can build a bad digital
reputation very quickly if you aren’t cautious about what you say and what
you put out online,” Stirling says.
As a rule of thumb, teach kids to pause before they post or tag friends by
asking themselves questions like, “Is this respectful?” or “Would I be
embarrassed if my grandmother saw this?”
Calm emotions
. Impulsivity combined with angry or hurt feelings often land kids – and
adults – in hot water. Plan ahead by implementing a 24 to 48 hour cool-down
period for those moments. Also, encourage your adolescent to discuss
problems with you or another trusted adult before reacting.
Address problems
.
Errors in judgment happen. Discuss and decide if an apology is in order. If
a peer is bothering your teen, she should tell the classmate to stop. In
situations involving cyberbullying and online harassment, begin with the
school and/or the parents of the kids involved. If your child feels
threatened, contact law enforcement.
Set limits.
Strike a healthy balance between online and offline activities. Set curfews
on devices, create tech-free zones, such as at the dinner table or in the
car, and role model tech boundaries.
Monitor activity.
Periodically review your adolescent’s activity across social networks.
If your child likes recording videos, create a shared account which alerts
you whenever she uploads a new video. Discuss what’s okay to post and
what’s not. Also, select the unlisted or private mode so the account isn’t
searchable. Protect your child’s identity by choosing fun pseudonyms and by
avoiding any geographic references. On YouTube, you can turn off the
comments to avoid online trolls and bullies.
While parental control apps/software can offer peace of mind, honest
conversations with your kids will empower them to make sensible decisions.
“Remember, the most important Internet filter in the world is the one
children carry around between their ears. But it’s important for us to
teach them how to use it,” Graber says.
Expert Recommended Parental Controls
NetPure
plugs directly into your router and provides a safe wifi connection for
kids. Operation Underground Railroad, an organization that rescues children
from sex trafficking, inspired Simpson and his colleague, Jared Agnew, to
create the device.
Graber likes Surfie from PureSight.com and Pocketguardian.com, which alerts parents when it detects
cyberbullying or sexting.
More Tips
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Set up a Google alert with your child’s name.
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Remind your kids to log off of shared devices.
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Instruct them to never share their passwords, even with a BFF.
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Have access to your child’s social media accounts.
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Explain that online impersonation is a no-no.
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Brush up on “secret” apps in app stores, which often hide behind
innocent-looking badges like calculators.
