It’s a scene that rattles new parents and frustrates seasoned ones: your
child screams from his bedroom in the middle of the night, startling you
awake as you scramble to his room and find him sobbing and scared because
of a nightmare. Nightmares can wreak havoc on a household’s ability to get
restful sleep and can lead to the child resisting bedtime unless it’s in
Mom’s and Dad’s bed, with the lights on.
While we can’t prevent nightmares from occurring altogether, we can take
steps to better comfort our children after nightmares and establish bedtime
routines that experts believe reduce the frequency of nightmares.
What Are Nightmares?
A nightmare is a frightening dream involving an imagined danger that often
causes children to wake up feeling afraid and needing comfort. Although
children as young as toddlers can have nightmares, experts say that
nightmares generally start between 3 and 6 years of age, are common in
children, and tend to decrease after the age of 10.
Nightmares typically occur after the child has been asleep for several
hours and is in the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep. During the REM
stage, the brain is especially active with processing vivid images and new
information for learning and memory. When a child wakes up from a nightmare
during the REM stage, the bad dream’s alarming images are still fresh and
can seem real to the child.
Nightmares are different from night terrors, which are more serious but
less common events. Unlike nightmares, night terrors occur during the first
few hours of sleep and cause children to thrash about while still asleep.
Night terrors also differ from nightmares in that it is difficult to awaken
a child from a night terror and, once awake, the child exhibits little to
no recollection of the episode that caused the terror.
What Causes Nightmares?
The little research that has been done on children’s nightmares has not
uncovered their exact cause. In fact, nightmares can occur despite having
no discernible source. However, experts advise that certain factors may
increase a child’s risk of nightmares, notably:
- A stressful situation or significant change at home or school
- Sleep deprivation or an irregular sleep routine
- Scary TV shows, movies, stories or other upsetting stimuli
- A fever
- Certain medications
Experts note that a nightmare’s theme often reflects the child’s
developmental stage. For example, toddlers may have nightmares concerning
separation anxiety; young children may have nightmares stemming from their
increasing responsibilities at home or at school and older children’s
nightmares may replay scenes from a scary movie they just saw or a
suspenseful book they just read.
Tips to Comfort Your Child after a Nightmare
Experts encourage parents to do the following to soothe a frightened child
after a nightmare:
- Reassure and comfort your child immediately
. Children who wake up scared from a nightmare need to know right
away that they are safe. Reassure your child that she’s secure and
that the nightmare wasn’t real. Physical contact such as hugging or
rubbing your child’s back after a nightmare can also help reduce
anxiety, as can sitting with your child in her bedroom until she’s
calm enough to fall back asleep. - Conquer the darkness with light or a lovey
. Dash your child’s nighttime fright by turning on a nightlight or
installing a dimmer switch in his bedroom. Give your child a
favorite teddy bear or blanket to help him settle down and return
to sleep.
Don’t further your child’s belief in imaginary beings
. If your child is jittery about monsters in the
closet after a nightmare, open the closet door if she insists.
However, resist telling your child to use a magic wand or
lightsaber, for example, to make the imaginary creature disappear.
While such monster-slaying tactics may provide temporary relief,
they also confirm that the monster exists and, thus, may exacerbate
bedtime anxiety in the long-run.
Give children a sense of control over their nightmares
. To help lessen nightmare distress, read your child stories in
which a character overcomes his fear of nightmares. Parents can
also defuse the terrifying aspect of a nightmare by drawing a
picture of the scary image, tearing it up and throwing it away.- Use positive images to replace foreboding ones.
Another way to untangle a nightmare from your child’s thoughts is
to have your child focus on positive images. Replace disconcerting
images by reminding your child of a happy memory or an exciting
event to come.
Tips to Help Reduce the Frequency of Nightmares
We can’t completely prevent nightmares. However, we can facilitate restful
sleep which, in turn, may help decrease the incidence of nightmares.
Specifically, experts suggest taking the following steps to create a
bedtime atmosphere of comfort and security for children:
- Set a regular bedtime
providing adequate sleep
. Sleep deprivation or an irregular bedtime are nightmare triggers.
Establish a routine that helps children wind down before bed
. This can include reading a pleasant bedtime story together,
singing soothing lullabies or giving your child a relaxing bath.
Keep your child’s room free of any objects that interfere with
sleep
. Instead, encourage peaceful slumber with a cozy pillow and
blanket, a favorite stuffed animal and a nightlight. Older children
may find comfort in a dreamcatcher being hung above their bed and
in learning the Native American belief behind the sleep aid.
- Avoid upsetting stimuli before bed
. Namely, avoid fear-provoking TV shows, movies or stories. - Discuss nightmares during the daytime
. Depending on the age of your child, shining some daylight on a
nightmare’s theme may help identify the stressors behind the
nightmare. Once pinpointed, guide your child on how to overcome
those stressors and, hopefully, experience fewer nightmares.
Set the scene for sweeter dreams by making your child’s bedtime a tranquil
experience. Your child will get a better night’s sleep and, as a bonus, so
will you.
