You know it. The never-ending battle of your son’s messy room. His room
isn’t like other children’s, though. Your son’s room is an all-out black
hole where things disappear…never to be seen again. You feel the
anger starting to boil up inside of yourself and before you can collect
your thoughts, words are spewing out of your mouth yelling, “Pick that up!
How did your room get this messy? Why are your comic books torn up? Are
these wrappers under your bed?” The truth is, kids with
Attention-deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) have a hard time getting
organized and staying organized. There are few things short of threatening
your child with taking away his electronics for the rest of his life that
will let him know how serious you are about picking up after himself. Try
these five tips the next time you walk into your child’s crumb-infested
bedroom.
-
Tell her one thing at a time.
Kids with ADHD have a hard time following multiple directions. Give
them one command at a time. For example, you might say to your
daughter, “Please put all of the LEGOs in the red bin. When you are
done with that, come back and see me.” Notice the command was not
vague. It was very specific. This tip is imperative for children
who process commands differently than other children. It can be
overwhelming and frustrating for kids when they can’t remember
which order to do things, which almost always ends up in a
meltdown. -
Don’t be afraid to give rewards.
Some kids do better with tangible rewards. Forget the guilt of
thinking you’re bribing your kids. Do what works for you and your
child, and get on with your day. Too often, guilt plays a role in
parenting children with ADHD. Let it go and remind yourself that
you know your child best, and what works for other children does
not always work for yours. -
Make a storytelling board and go over it with your child.
A storytelling board is exactly what it sounds like. This is ADHD
advice 101. Get a piece of poster board, markers and maybe even
some stickers. You will write out and draw what you want your child
to do each day. Keep the commands short and to the point. Below is
a very simple example of a storytelling board. -
Take a picture of each area cleaned up the way you want it.
This is a really simple way to have a visual example for kids about
what you expect their space to look like. Remember the LEGOs
mentioned earlier in this article? Take a picture of them in the
red bin. When it comes time for your daughter to pick up her room,
pull out that picture and show it to her. Kids need visual
reminders of what needs to be done. This will take the guess work
out of what she thinks you expect and instead, it will be an exact
example of what you want her to do. -
Praise.
It’s a toss-up for kids with ADHD on whether or not they like
praise. Some do and some don’t. If your child does, than by all
means, praise him as he picks things up. If you have a child who
actually reacts negatively when you offer positive reinforcement,
just wait until he is done with everything you have asked him to do
and simply say, “Good job.” You may want to say more because your
other children love it when you tell them how proud or happy you
are, but some kids can’t stand this. If this sounds like your
child, simply acknowledging the hard work he has done is enough.
As the parent, this extra and sometimes timely step can feel like just one
more thing on the laundry list of tips to remember with our children, but
in the end, it really does benefit everyone involved. Once your child has
put all of the LEGOs in the red bin and is now standing in front of you, go
ahead and give her another task. “Please make your bed and then come back
and see me.” Even after specific commands like these your daughter might
still feel overwhelmed with the constant picking up. For these types of
children, it is important to give a timeline or a plan. For example, “After
you put the LEGOs in the red bin and make your bed, you can take a break
and swing outside, but after your 10-minute break, you will need to go back
to your room and hang your clothes up.” This storytelling to your child
serves more than one purpose; it lets your daughter know what’s expected of
her and it tells her the plan in a very clear way.
Allowing phone time or screen time can be a lucrative incentive for kids
who crave media. Use this to your advantage. If you see that your child is
getting frustrated because he flat out does not want to pick up his room,
tell him he can have five minutes of Minecraft for every command he does
without whining. Be sure to remind him of this after he successfully does
what you have asked him to do. Kids with ADHD crave structure and routine.
It may not always seem like it, especially when they’re yelling back at you
or being defiant, but these children need boundaries. Even though they like
control and they like to test you, they ultimately do better when they know
what is expected of them.
|
Monday |
Tuesday |
Wednesday |
Thursday |
Friday |
Saturday |
Sunday |
|
Eat breakfast |
Eat breakfast |
Eat breakfast |
Eat breakfast |
Eat breakfast |
FREE DAY |
FREE DAY |
|
Get dressed |
Get dressed |
Get dressed |
Get dressed |
Get dressed |
||
|
Brush teeth |
Brush teeth |
Brush teeth |
Brush teeth |
Brush teeth |
It may not seem like it now but kids really do want to be good, especially
those with ADHD. Depending on how old your child is, she may not understand
why she acts the way she does sometimes. This is all part of navigating the
tricky world of having a child with a behavioral disorder. Use these five
tips the next time you walk into your child’s room and see a huge mess.
You’ll thank yourself later for having a plan in place instead of reacting
in the moment.
