Mindful Parenting Tips

February 2024

Becoming Mindful Through Everyday Tasks

Want to become more mindful? You don’t have to schedule a special time to practice. Instead, consider becoming mindful through everyday tasks. Here are three examples to get you started.

Getting meals to the table

Providing food for yourself and your family encompasses everything from grocery shopping to meal prep to actually placing the food on the table. Or maybe it just means picking up a carryout order!

Here are some ways to bring mindfulness to these tasks:

As you shop, notice the colors and shapes of the fruits and vegetables in the produce section. Notice the sounds of items being scanned for purchase. As you prepare your meal, focus on the smells of the ingredients you’re cutting or cooking. As you carry dishes to the table, notice the temperature of the plates as you hold them. If you’re serving carryout order food, notice the packaging around the food as you unwrap it – its design and the way the container feels in your hand.

Bathing

Whether you’re bathing yourself or your child, this time of soap and water offers ample opportunity for mindfulness through sensory experiences.

Consider these ways to bring mindfulness to your child’s bath time:

As you begin to wash, notice the pressure and warmth of the water. Notice how the lather feels slippery in your hands – and how slippery your child’s skin becomes as you apply lather all over. You may want to notice the difference between the feel of soap or body wash lather from the feel of shampoo lather. Pay attention to the smells of the products you’re using.

Preparing for Bedtime

As you prepare yourself or your child for bedtime, bring your attention to the present moment by paying attention to textures, lighting and sounds – and even your own stress levels.

Here are a few ways to become mindful before it’s time to retire for the night:

As you change into your sleepwear, notice the softness or smoothness of the fabric in your hand. Notice the lighting in the room. Is it dim? If so, notice how the colors you see are more muted than they’d be in a brightly lit room. Notice any sounds you hear. Some people like to run a white noise machine through the night to help calm themselves or their child. If you notice that your muscles are tense, consider practicing a guided progressive muscle relaxation exercise before going to sleep.

Mealtime, bath time and bedtime are just three of the many times you can practice becoming mindful through everyday tasks. Consider that everything you do offers you an opportunity to be mindful by bringing your attention to the present moment.

January 2024

Just Three Minutes a Day

Looking to add more mindfulness to your life in the new year? Here’s a simple suggestion: devote just three minutes a day to being mindful.

First, let’s take a quick look at what being mindful means. Mindfulness is awareness of the present moment without focusing on the cycling thoughts in your mind – thoughts that can cause you to ruminate about the past or worry about the future.

Next, pick a time where you can commit to being mindful for just three minutes a day. Try to choose a time you associate with a regular activity – such as brushing your teeth in the morning, eating lunch or getting ready for bed at night.

One way to practice being mindful is to bring all your attention to what you’re experiencing with your senses, noticing what you smell, taste, see, hear or feel. Another technique is to bring all your attention to the feeling of your breath moving in and out of your body. If your mind wanders, simply refocus your attention, even if it’s every second or two.

Finding time to practice is essential, as illustrated by the following story, excerpted from the primer Meditation Illuminated: Simple Ways to Manage Your Busy Mind.

A man once approached a meditation teacher and asked him how he could find peace of mind. The teacher suggested the man take time every morning and evening to meditate. The man exclaimed, “But I don’t have time to do that! I’m a very busy man!” He pulled out his smartphone. “Look at all these emails I have to respond to! Please, suggest a much easier path.”

“How far is it from the desk in your office to the water cooler?” asked the teacher.

Puzzled by the strange question, the businessman said, “About 30 feet.”

“I’m sure you’re not working when you walk to the water cooler. So try focusing on your breath when you go to get a drink of water.”

The next day at work, the man remembered to focus on his breathing as he walked to the water cooler. As he walked to lunch, he realized he could focus on his breathing as well. In fact, he realized he could rest his awareness on his breath many times throughout the day. As the days progressed, he found more opportunities to focus on his breath until it became a habit – and he finally discovered some peace of mind.

You, too, can discover some peace of mind in the new year. Practicing every day, even for a few minutes, can help build a mindfulness habit. You may decide to increase your time to five minutes or 10 minutes – or even 15 minutes. But for now, consider starting with just three minutes a day in the new year.

December 2023

3 Techniques to Enjoy Family Gatherings With Less Stress

Holiday gatherings with family can be a joy-filled time. However, these gatherings can also be fraught with anxiety if you’re gathering with relatives you find challenging. If you’d like to enjoy family gatherings with less stress, mindfulness techniques can help.

When you’re mindful, you’re more likely to become aware of your thoughts. You may notice that you’re amplifying your stress by imagining what family members will say or do — for example, “My aunt always asks me when we’re going to have a second child. I hate when she does that!” or “My cousin is so argumentative. I just want to avoid him!”

Present Moment Awareness

As much as you can, try to focus on the here and now. Your aunt isn’t asking about expanding your family right now, and your cousin isn’t being contradictory right now. If you notice your mind wandering to negative scenarios, shift your attention back to the present.

A simple technique to help build present moment awareness is to notice what you’re experiencing with any of your senses. Notice the sunlight shining on the tree outside or notice the feeling of the ground beneath your feet as you walk. Or pause and focus on a couple of breaths, noticing the coolness of the air as you inhale and its warmth as you exhale.

Compassion

Another mindfulness technique to help you reduce stress is to practice compassion. Even if you don’t appreciate the behavior of certain relatives, see if you can think of them with empathy.

Perhaps you can muster up some compassion for your aunt and her tendency to ask personal questions. Or perhaps you can find some compassion for your cousin and his tendency to be so argumentative. The key is to accept people for who they are, since they likely won’t change. All you can do is change your response to them.

Commonalities

Finally, a third way to reduce stress with mindfulness is to look for commonalities. Having different belief systems or political views can often cause strife among family members. Rather than focusing on your differences, see if you can notice your common bonds.

Perhaps you share a deep love for the same grandmother. You may have geographical commonalities, growing up in the same region. You may have shared memories, such as a favorite pizza restaurant from many years ago. Or perhaps you both enjoy a similar sport or hobby. The more you notice your common bonds, the more you’ll realize how interconnected you actually are.

To enjoy family gatherings with less stress, remember these three mindfulness techniques: keep your thoughts in the present, practice compassion and look for common bonds. You may find that using these techniques will help you look forward to family gatherings in the years to come.

November 2023

Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask: Take Care of Yourself First

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, you’ve likely heard the flight attendant say, “In the event of an emergency, put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others.” Similarly in everyday life, it’s important to take care of yourself first, so you can be present and centered to the responsibilities of parenthood.

Yet, people often get caught up in the everyday demands of parenting and forget to take a moment for themselves. If this is the case for you, consider pausing once or twice during the day to focus on your breath. Practice for just one breath, practice for a minute or two — or practice longer, if you have the time.

A short breath meditation is a simple and effective tool to help you remain present and centered. You can also teach this type of meditation to your child or children and practice it together. Even the squirmiest child may sit still long enough to benefit from the practice. To start, sit in a comfortable position with your head and neck aligned with your spinal column. Without changing the position of your head or neck, gently lower your eyelids to a soft gaze or a full close. By lowering your eyelids, you’re reducing any visual stimulation that has the potential to distract you.

Next, bring your attention to the pace of your breathing without changing anything. Notice the length of your inhale and the length of your exhale. Breathe gently, paying attention to your breath either as it enters your nose or flows over your upper lip. See if you can notice the coolness of the air as you breathe in and its warmth as you breathe out. You may want to see if you can keep your full attention on just your next breath. And then the next one. And then the next.

October 2023

3 Ways to Cultivate Self-Kindness

If you’d like you and your family to be healthier and happier, try cultivating self-kindness. Research shows that being kind to yourself can actually improve your health.

Yet so many people are habitually self-critical. Perhaps they think they’re too loud, too quiet, too impatient, not smart enough, not rich enough or not thin enough. The list could go on and on.

The good news is that negative thought patterns can be changed through practice. Here are three mindsets that you and your family can practice to help cultivate self-kindness:

Release the idea of perfection.

People often want everything they do to be perfect, and they can become self-critical if they fall short. For example, let’s say you hit Send on an email before it was finished. Or worse, you send the email to the wrong person. What is your self-talk saying? Maybe it’s something like “Ugh! How could I be so stupid?”

Rather than engaging in negative self-talk, try affirming to yourself, “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.” This affirmation was developed by French psychologist Émile Coué, who believed in the power of optimistic autosuggestion. Since perfection can be too high a bar to reach, this affirmation can help you reach for being your best, instead.

Consider this: As a human being, you’re like a gemstone, constantly bumping up against your rough edges — and each time these edges get bumped, it’s like you’re being polished, or, in Émile Coué’s words, you’re getting better and better.

Gain perspective.

Often self-criticism centers around a particular event. Let’s say you forget to bring the snack for the soccer team, and you start berating yourself. “I can’t believe I forgot the snacks! What will the other parents think of me?”

Ask yourself: Will this matter a month from now or a year from now? Looking at the event as one point on a continuum of time helps ease the irritation of your error, just as adding pure water to salt can help dilute its sting.

Focus on the whole picture.

Consider world-renowned meditation teacher Thich Nhat Hanh’s famous quote: “No mud, no lotus.” Even though the lotus grows from a mucky bottom, it produces a beautiful flower.

To cultivate self-kindness, don’t just look at the mud — also pay attention to the lotus. They’re part of the same system, just as negative thoughts and positive thoughts are part of the same system. The invitation here is to see the whole picture and experience the beauty of the lotus.

September 2023

Strengthen Your Relationships by Releasing Your Judgments

Want to strengthen your relationships? Try releasing your judgments. Even though judgments help people navigate their way in life, they can also create roadblocks and obstacles, especially where parent/child relationships are concerned.

For example, consider Judy. She used to find fault with many of her son’s behaviors, whether it was the way he scrambled his eggs or the way he let his clothes pile up in the corner of his bedroom. She constantly corrected him, adding stress to their relationship.

However, once Judy began practicing mindfulness, she recognized the way she continually judged her son. This awareness helped her release her judgments before she voiced them – and without her constant corrections, her relationship with her son strengthened. Of course, if her son behaved in a way that was detrimental to himself or others, Judy definitely spoke up.

Judy attributed her ability to notice her judgments to her meditation practice. For instance, if she became aware of a thought while she meditated (I wonder if I can sell that house?) and then she noticed that she judged the thought (Oh no, I shouldn’t be thinking about that again, especially now while I’m trying to meditate!), she tried to release her judgment. She became a neutral observer instead (I notice I’m thinking about the house again.)

In this practice, she wasn’t judging her thoughts and feelings as “good” or “bad” – rather, she was noticing whatever arose as it was, without making internal comments. This simple act of noticing without judgment helped train her to become less reactive and see situations with a broader perspective.
For instance, she no longer criticized her son for piling his clothes in the corner of his room. She now realized that as a teenager, it’s her son’s choice about how he keeps his bedroom and his clothes. Judy still didn’t like his behavior, but her neutral awareness allowed her to be more accepting of his choices.
Judy noticed that even though her perspective had broadened, her judgments still continued to arise; after all, that’s part of human nature. But her ability to see her judgments clearly and then release them went a long way to becoming less critical of her son’s behavior, and as a result, to strengthening their relationship.

There’s an old saying, “If you can name it, you can tame it.” Releasing your judgments becomes much easier once you become aware of them. And a wonderful effect comes from being less judgmental of other people – you also become less judgmental of yourself!

30 Ways to Eat Mindfully

When you eat mindfully, you’re bringing awareness to as many aspects of eating as possible, so you can make food choices that are healthy for your body. Although anyone can benefit from mindful eating, it’s especially important for those who typically eat too much or not enough, make unhealthy food choices or eat to deal with emotions.

There’s no right or wrong way to eat mindfully. Here’s a list of 30 strategies to try, on your own and with your family. You may want to journal about your experience and even develop strategies of your own.

Prepare to Eat

Don’t eat from bags.
Put everything on a plate or in a bowl.
Create an attractive and peaceful eating place.
Make your meals visually appealing.
Sit while you eat.
Pause for a moment of gratitude before eating.
Eat a meal without doing any other activity, e.g., looking at a screen.

Notice Your Food

Notice the color, smell and arrangement of the food on your plate.
Consider how the food arrived on your plate, including the harvesting of the food and the trucks transporting it – or the seeds that you grew.

Notice Your Frame of Mind

Are you aware of the food you’re eating or is your attention elsewhere?
Do you have the patience to eat mindfully?

Notice Your Body

Notice the pace of your breathing.
Is there any tension in your body?
Is your mouth tensed in anticipation?
Is your stomach empty or full?
Are you slouched or sitting upright?

Notice the Pace of Your Eating

Are you in a hurry to begin your meal?
Notice the pace at which you put food in your mouth.
Notice the pace of your chewing.
Are you in a hurry to get to the next bite?

Notice Your Bites of Food

Can you keep your attention on just this mouthful?
What is the size of the bite you are taking?
Can you finish chewing one bite before moving on to the next bite?
Do you put down your fork between bites?
What is the texture of your food? How does it feel in your mouth?
What is the flavor of your food?
Can you notice the flavors changing as you chew?
Notice picking up food with your hand or utensil, moving your hand to mouth, opening your mouth, chewing and swallowing.

Listen to Sounds

Can you listen to the sound of chewing your food? Perhaps your cereal is loud and crunchy at first, but as you chew more, it has a softer sound.

Eat in Silence

Try eating a meal in silence with a friend or family or another group of people. It may seem uncomfortable at first if you’re not used to eating without conversation. The silence can help you become aware of the shared experience of eating mindfully and allow you to experience eating from a deeper level.

July 2023

Try a Walking Meditation!

Want to reduce stress but don’t have time to meditate? Try a walking meditation! This moving meditation can be practiced almost anywhere and anytime.

Let’s say you’re at work and receive a phone call from your child’s school. The teacher wants to meet with you to discuss some behavioral issues. Your mind starts spinning. To interrupt your cycle of anxious thoughts, simply take a short walk as you bring your attention to your feet. You can walk outside or even inside, walking down a hallway or corridor.

Practicing a walking meditation is simple.

Simply notice the soles of your feet as they connect with the ground. Does your toe or heel touch the ground first? Do they meet the ground at the same time? How does the surface you’re walking on feel – is it hard or soft? Slippery or dry?
Each time your attention is pulled to your spinning thoughts, notice them, then shift your attention back to your feet. If your attention wanders, be gentle with yourself. It’s the nature of the mind to wander. Just gently refocus on the movements of your body – even if it’s every second or two. This isn’t a practice of denying your feelings; however, it is a way to help you feel more balanced and centered, along with your feelings.
You can also silently repeat the words “lifting, moving, placing, shifting” to yourself to help keep your attention on the movements of your legs. As you lift your right leg, silently say to yourself, “lifting.” As you move your right leg forward, silently say, “moving,” as you place your foot on the ground silently say, “placing,” and as you shift all your weight to your right foot, silently say, “shifting.” Then begin the process again with your left leg: lifting, moving, placing, shifting. Continue silently repeating these words to yourself as you continue to walk.

A walking meditation is easy to fit into your schedule. Are you walking from your desk to the coffee machine? Focus on your steps for those 30 seconds. Are you walking from your front door to your car? Again, focus on your steps. Each time you transition from one place to the next, you have the opportunity to focus on the present moment – again and again and again.

Finally, consider teaching your child how to practice a walking meditation. Since little ones may have difficulty sitting still to meditate, this is a great way for them to learn to focus their minds. It’s never too early to learn!

June 2023

Three Simple Practices for Expectant Mothers

While a pregnancy can be a thrilling time for an expectant mother, it can also be a time of stress. Much of the anxiety might center around the unknown, especially for first-time mothers. They might wonder: How will I handle the delivery? Will my baby be healthy? How will I manage to juggle work responsibilities with caring for an infant?

Consider Mark Twain’s famous comment relating to worries about the future, when he wrote, “I’m an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.” To stay focused on the present, rather than lost in anxieties about the future, here are three simple practices for expectant mothers to try.

1. Focus on your breath.

Sit in a comfortable chair. Set a timer for a short period of time, e.g., 3 to 5 minutes. Try to relax your body as much as possible. Then gently bring your awareness to your breath, noticing your chest rising and falling or the coolness of the air as you breathe in and its warmth when you breathe out. Any time your mind wanders, gently bring your awareness back to your breath, even if it’s every second or two.

2. Focus on love and compassion.

Sit in a comfortable chair. Set a timer for a short period of time, e.g., 3 to 5 minutes. Try to relax your body as much as possible. Then gently bring your awareness to a feeling of love and compassion for this new life. You may want to lightly rest your hands on your belly and direct your breath to your belly and to your baby nestling inside of you. Any time your mind wanders, gently bring it back to a feeling of love and compassion for your new baby.

3. Focus on the present moment in daily activities.

As much as you can, try to keep your mind in the present moment, rather than lost in stories about the future that may or may not be true. When you’re walking, gently bring your attention to the soles of your feet touching the ground. When you’re bathing, gently bring your attention to the feeling of the soap on your skin or the feeling of the warm water on your body. When you’re eating, pay attention to the pace of your eating and the taste of your food.

The more an expectant mom can keep her attention focused on what’s happening in the present, rather than lost in anxiety about the unknown, the more she may discover a life that is filled with more ease. Of course, these same types of practices are important to continue once the baby is born, as that time will come with a whole new set of unknowns!

May 2023

Tips for Parenting a Graduating Senior

Is your high school student graduating in May? If so, it’s a good time to reflect upon your relationship. The norms that were in place when your student was younger will need to evolve as your child approaches adulthood.

If you want to bridge the gap from parenting a high school student to parenting a young adult, these mindfulness tips will help foster a smooth transition.

Revisit household ground rules.

Be mindful that your child is becoming a young adult and the household norms may need to change. Whether your child is going to college, taking a gap year or entering the workforce, you may need to continually remind yourself that your little one has transformed into a young adult. Are the ground rules from high school still appropriate? How about that first visit home during a college break – what sort of curfew, if any, will you put in place? Of course, the answer to these questions depends upon the particular needs of your household.

Mutual respect is key.

As you revisit your household ground rules, make sure to take into account your own needs, along with the needs of other family members. Even though your child’s lifestyle has changed, the routines of others in the household may not have changed. For example, ground rules that respect family members’ need for a good night’s sleep may be necessary, while still giving your child the freedoms that come with graduating high school.

Be willing to see your child with a fresh outlook.

The transition after high school can be a time of great change for young adults – and also a time when they may redefine their approach to the world. The change might be as simple as keeping an orderly college dorm room when their bedroom at home was typically in a state of disarray. The change might be signing up for a gap-year adventure when they had been risk-adverse during their high school years. The change could even be small but meaningful, such as shedding a childhood nickname. Seeing your child with fresh eyes will help you relate to your budding young adult, rather than relating to a version of your child from years ago.

Although your student is the one making the major transition, it’s also a time of change for other household members. By being mindful, this time of parenting a graduating senior can be filled with ease and enjoyment of each other’s company.

April 2023

A Mindfulness Practice to Enhance Your Well-Being

Parents who regularly meditate enjoy a wide range of benefits, including less stress and more patience. If you’d like to learn to meditate and experience its many benefits, here are some tips to get you started.

How to Meditate

Start by sitting on a chair or floor cushion. Keep your spine straight, but not rigid – and aligned with your head and neck. Gently close your eyes. Try to release any physical tension, keeping your body relaxed but your mind alert.
Choose a neutral focal point that doesn’t stimulate your mind. This is called your anchor. Commonly used anchors are the feeling of your breath or body, a word repeated silently, such as peace, repetitive sounds, like ocean waves – or an object to hold, like a smooth stone.
Rest your attention on your anchor. Whenever your mind wanders, gently refocus on your anchor. For beginners, this may be as often as every second or two. Continue gently refocusing on your anchor for the rest of your practice time.

A Place to Meditate

Create a dedicated meditation space in your home or office. You can devote a whole room, a corner of a room or even a favorite chair. Include items in this space that you associate with meditation – for example, plants, candles or books of readings for before or after your practice.

The Time to Meditate

Start with a short amount of practice time, such as two to three minutes, setting a timer if you’d like. As you become used to practicing, gradually increase your time to 15-20 minutes a day.
Meditate at the same time each day, trying to schedule meditation before or after a regular activity, such as brushing your teeth.
To minimize distractions, consider practicing when your household is quiet.
If you skip a day, be gentle with yourself. Just make sure to practice again as soon as you are able.
Even on days when you don’t want to meditate or you’re limited on time, try to do it anyway. Remember, meditating for a few minutes is more beneficial than not meditating at all.

The Practice of Meditation

Accept your wandering mind. Meditating isn’t meant to suppress thoughts and feelings. Consider distractions to be like a cloud passing or boats floating by as you watch from the riverbank. Allow them to pass without judgment, and gently refocus on your anchor. The repetitive action of refocusing trains you to become mindful.
Try different anchors on different days to help keep you engaged.
Meditation is not always relaxing. Sometimes it can be tedious. This is part of the practice.

When you learn to meditate, you’ll be joining millions of people world-wide who enjoy meditation’s profound benefits. To find out more about meditation, visit joyrains.com/resources/.

27MARCH 2023

A Mindfulness Practice to Enhance Your Well-Being

Do your habitual thoughts and behaviors create stress in your life? If so, try this well-known mindfulness practice to enhance your well-being: Beginning Again. Rather than being locked into automatic responses, approach each situation with a fresh outlook – letting go of expectations and judgments.

For example, does your self-talk include “always” statements? “I always need to eat dessert after dinner.” “I’m always anxious when I travel by airplane.” “She always says stuff that makes me feel inferior.”

If this is true for you, take a moment to notice your thoughts.

Be curious.
What would it be like to skip dessert after dinner?
What would it be like to board the plane without your story of being anxious?
What would it be like to simply listen to what she’s saying without being reactive?

Here’s an example of someone who always gets anxious when she travels across the Delaware Memorial Bridge, a dual-span suspension bridge crossing the Delaware River. Even though her husband typically drives, she’s terrified of being suspended over a body of water from this height. Traveling over this bridge is a frightening experience for her.

The next time her husband drives them across the bridge, she decides to try the practice of Beginning Again. Her first step is to become aware of her anxious thoughts. She notices she’s thinking, “This bridge is so scary! I’m afraid to travel across it!” She realizes she’s telling herself a story about the bridge, and she’s reacting more to her story than to the bridge itself.

Once she becomes aware of her thoughts, it’s time to gently shift her attention away from them. She shifts her focus to an external experience, noticing what she sees. She notices the physical characteristics of the bridge with a neutral mind. She says to herself “the bridge is so expansive. The steel girders are so high.”

This time she’s not adding her anxious thoughts to what she observes. She’s releasing her interpretation of what she sees. She finds this practice freeing. She’s amazed that in this moment her fear response has taken a back seat. All she’s aware of are the height and expanse of the bridge.

Letting go of habitual thinking patterns can be challenging. Awareness is the first step. Whenever you want to begin again, simply pause, notice and choose. You can enhance your well-being any time with this simple practice.

FEBRUARY 2023

A Simple Way to Cultivate Compassion

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, February is a perfect month to learn how to cultivate compassion. Even if you’ve never tried to develop compassion, the good news is that you can learn how with a simple mindfulness practice. Furthermore, cultivating compassion has numerous health benefits, including reduced anxiety and greater focus.

Here’s a simple practice, modified from the primer “Meditation Illuminated: Simple Ways to Manage Your Busy Mind.”

First, find a place to sit quietly – ideally, where you can remain uninterrupted for a few minutes or longer. Sit in a comfortable position and try to relax your body, letting your chair and spine support you, while releasing any muscles not being used to support you.

Once you’re comfortably seated, gently rest your attention on your breath for a few breaths or more. You may want to notice the coolness of the air as you inhale and its warmth as you exhale – or you may choose to notice your chest or belly rising and falling with each breath.

Then, when you feel ready, imagine a time when you felt love and compassion towards another living being – perhaps a loved one, a pet or even a stranger who offered you a small kindness. Take a couple of minutes to become aware of any images, sensations or feelings in your body and mind as you imagine sending these feelings outward.

Next, imagine a time when you felt love and compassion being directed towards you – by a parent, a child, a friend, a teacher, a pet or animal or a stranger smiling warmly. You could even imagine receiving love and compassion from the subject in a photo or painting who offers a loving gaze outward into the world. Take a couple of minutes to become aware of any images, sensations or feelings in your body and mind as you receive these feelings.

JANUARY 2023

3 Ways to Remain Mindful When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned

Have you ever found yourself in an unwelcome situation? Chances are that it triggered your stress response, especially if the situation caught you by surprise. The next time you encounter one of life’s challenges, consider trying these three techniques to help you remain mindful.

Be patient. Let’s say a young mother rushes her infant to the doctor. The child is burning up with a high fever. While the doctor runs diagnostic tests, the mother reacts as if the child has already been diagnosed with the condition he’s being tested for. Rather than waiting until the test results are in, she’s filling her information gaps with imagined stories of a dire outcome.

To remain mindful, the mother can recognize she’s creating stories that may not be true. She can remind herself to be patient while the testing is taking place, even affirming to herself “I’m willing to be patient as I await more information.”

Be present. Let’s say a family takes a hike in a national park. After a time, they find themselves upon a large field of boulders and realize they’ve inadvertently strayed from the trail – with limited provisions and no cell phone service. The group panics, realizing they could be lost for an extended period of time.

To remain mindful, they can pay attention to the task right in front of them: navigating the boulder field. Rather than getting lost in the “what ifs” about their situation, they can focus on carefully moving across the uneven rock surfaces until they can regain their bearings.

Be at peace – even for a moment. Let’s say that the head of a household lost her job, through no fault of her own. Her employer cut the workforce by half, offering little severance pay. The woman still needs to pay her bills and has limited savings to draw upon. She’s thrown into a tailspin.

DECEMBER 2022

Simple Tips for a Mindful Holiday Season

No time to meditate? If you can’t imagine adding one more thing to your lengthy “to do” list, no problem! You can reduce stress and experience a mindful holiday season by keeping your awareness in the present – instead of being caught up in thoughts about the past or the future.

Although many people think you need to sit in a quiet place with your eyes closed to meditate, consider trying other options. For example, you can practice any time simply by noticing your immediate experience. Here are some suggestions to get you started.

Shopping: Notice what you hear in the store, including the sounds of people conversing, holiday music playing and even volunteers ringing their bells for charity outside the store’s entrance.
Preparing to travel: Do you typically rush when you pack suitcases, backpacks and travel supplies? If so, see if you can prepare to leave in a more mindful way, with your attention on the here and now, rather than on what you need to accomplish next.
Traveling: If you’re delayed by traffic, see if you can become aware that others on the road are also delayed. Realizing that you’re part of a community impacted by a travel snafu can help you become more tolerant of the situation and of those around you.
Holiday baking: See if you can take your time baking, being fully present with your five senses as you notice sounds, smells, tastes, textures, colors and shapes.
Holiday gatherings: Try to be completely present to those you interact with, listening to them fully. See if you can focus on what they’re saying, rather than focusing on what you’ll say next.
Unwrapping presents: Notice the color or pattern of the wrapping paper, how tightly or loosely it’s wrapped and how the wrapping sounds as you tear it.
Lighting holiday candles: Notice how long it takes the wick of the candle to light. Notice the color and shape of the flame and any heat emanating from it.
Holiday rituals: Try to be fully present to holiday rituals you and your family may have, taking your time as you absorb the ritual’s meaning in your life, your family’s lives and the lives of your ancestors.

As the holidays approach, you may want to reflect on ways to create a mindful holiday season for both you and your family. If you find yourself getting caught up in regrets about the past or worries about the future, gently shift your awareness to what you’re experiencing in the here and now. Consider giving yourself a wonderful present this season: the gift of presence.

NOVEMBER 2022

Practicing Gratitude

Looking for ways to become happier and healthier? Try practicing gratitude. Scientific studies show that the benefits of practicing gratitude are far reaching: improved physical and mental health, more empathy towards others, better self-esteem – and even a good night’s sleep! According to Harvard Health, “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity and build strong relationships.”

Being that the mind has the ability to form new neural pathways and learn new ways of thinking, you can actually train yourself to be more grateful. Practicing gratitude can be as simple as jotting a few notes in a gratitude journal or pausing to reflect on what makes you thankful.

Here are some areas of focus for a gratitude practice – whether you’re practicing yourself or teaching your child how to practice:

Pause at any time and notice what you’re grateful for by tapping into one of your five senses. For example, if you’re outside on a sunny day, pause and notice the feeling of the sunshine on your skin as you feel gratitude for its warmth. If you hear the birds chirping, pause and notice the varied melodies of their songs.
Take time to be grateful for aspects of your life’s circumstances. Perhaps you’re grateful for a comfortable house to call home, a nearby grocery store that carries your favorite snacks or a steady job that makes it possible to live in your home and purchase your snacks.
See if you can be grateful for qualities of the people in your life, whether you’re with a favorite family member or with someone you know casually. For instance, perhaps you’re grateful for the friendly greeting your favorite barista always offers when you purchase your morning coffee.
You can even bring gratitude to negative feelings to see if you can shift to a more positive mindset. For example, if you notice that you’re annoyed by a challenging relative during the holiday season, see if you can shift your feelings. Perhaps you’re grateful for the way this relative bakes a delicious apple pie or how they always take an interest in your children.
Finally, remember to practice gratitude by reflecting on the qualities within yourself for which you’re grateful. Perhaps you’re grateful for your ability to run a couple miles, to be diplomatic in contentious situations or even your amazing skill at word games such as Wordle.

Consider training yourself to cultivate the quality of gratitude this holiday season. The good news is that you can practice gratitude most anywhere and anytime.

OCTOBER 2022

Cultivating Calm With Counting

Is your busy mind creating stress? Are you looking for ways to calm your mind or to help your children calm their minds? Consider cultivating calm with counting.

This technique helps you shift your attention from subjective thoughts that can create stress, and rest your attention on something neutral instead – in this case, on counting numbers.

Here’s how to practice:

Sit in a comfortable posture that you can maintain for your practice time. Keep your spine straight and your head and neck aligned with your spinal column.
To reduce visual stimulation, gently close your eyes without changing the position of your head and neck. If you prefer to keep your eyes open, gaze softly at the ground, with lids partially lowered.
Then, notice your breath for a few moments or longer, and become aware of the pace of your breathing without changing it. Notice your belly expanding and filling with air as you inhale. Allow your belly to release with your exhale. You can even rest your hand on your belly to feel it rise and fall with each breath.
Next, take a few moments or longer to notice the points where you make contact with your seat and the ground beneath you. Try to allow your body to relax into these points of contact. Release any muscle that is not being used to support you. You don’t need to hold on to anything; simply allow your muscles to let go. Try to keep your body relaxed, but your mind alert.
Now, count silently to yourself with each breath. Count one as you inhale and then count one as you exhale. Count two on your next inhale, and count two again on your next exhale. Count three on the following inhale, and count three again on the following exhale. Continue counting with each breath through the number 10, then return to the number one and begin again.
You could also silently say to yourself, “I am inhaling one, I am exhaling one. I am inhaling two, I am exhaling two,” etc. Every time you count to 10, return to one and begin again.
If at any point during this practice you lose count, simply start over again with the number one – without judgment or internal comment. Simply accept the fact that you’ve lost your place.
Continue this practice for the rest of your meditation period.

This is a simple practice that is especially accessible for those who like numbers. You can take a meditation break most anytime and practice this technique for cultivating calm with counting, even if you practice for just a minute or two.

If you’d like to practice with a guided version of this Counting with the Breath meditation, you can find one at joyrains.com/episode-77.

SEPTEMBER 2022

A Powerful Technique to Build Understanding

Having a heated argument with your child? Are the two of you at an impasse? Let’s say your child disregarded her curfew, but felt justified in doing so. Perhaps you strongly disagree with her reasoning. You’re both locked into differing viewpoints, as the conversation takes on a defensive tone and your voices begin to rise. In situations like this, consider using a technique to build understanding.

The Speaker/Listener Technique gives you a way to see beyond your point of view – and helps you empathize with the other’s reasoning. If you practice using this technique during small disagreements when tensions aren’t high, the steps will likely be more accessible when major disagreements occur.

Here are the steps to follow, whether your disagreement is big or small:

First, assign each person a role, either Speaker or Listener.
Next, the Speaker talks first, explaining their position. They speak for up to five minutes.
The Listener is not allowed to speak during this time. The only words the Listener is allowed to say are words that show they’re listening. (“Um-hm, I see,” etc.)
After the Speaker talks, the Listener paraphrases what they just heard, without voicing their own opinion. They can only state what they just heard. (“I heard you say that you felt …”) The paraphrasing step can take up to three minutes.
Then roles are switched. Speaker becomes Listener, Listener becomes Speaker. Each gets up to five minutes of speaking and up to three minutes of listening.
Finally, once each has their turn as Speaker and Listener, it’s time to reflect. What did they learn? Have their points of view shifted at all? Can they come to a new level of understanding?

Why this technique works:

If you hear a position that’s contrary to your own, the tendency is to disagree and explain why your position is the right one. The Speaker/Listener technique does not allow for disagreement. You are required to listen without interjecting your viewpoint.

As a result of following these steps, you’ll likely loosen your attachment to your way of thinking, as you paraphrase and acknowledge another’s point of view. Although you may not like the other’s viewpoint or agree with it, these steps can still help you cultivate understanding.

Consider learning to build understanding with the Speaker/Listener Technique. These steps will help you navigate those times you reach an impasse with your child, your spouse or anyone else with whom you want to foster strong relations.m

AUGUST 2022

Simple Techniques to Cultivate Inner Calm

Today’s parents and children regularly face challenges in school and in their communities. Incidents of bullying, divisiveness and violence are widespread – and they’re typically beyond one’s control. Where you can take some control, however, is with the way you respond to life’s events.

Consider responding by taking time to regularly cultivate inner calm. Developing a calm center will help you strengthen your mental fortitude, enhance your well-being and optimize your response to life’s events. Here are two simple techniques that both you and your child can practice.

Meditation on Breath

Your breath moves continually throughout your body, even when you’re not conscious of it. When you become aware of the rhythmic nature of your breath, its ebb and flow can help calm you, just as rocking a baby will lull it to sleep.

To practice

Take a few minutes or longer to rest your attention on your breath. See if you can relax into your breath’s ebb and flow, noticing that your body is being rocked by your breath. Imagine the rocking motion lulling you into a calm and peaceful state. Any time your mind wanders, gently shift your attention back to the flow of your breath – even if it’s every second or two.

Meditation on Gravity

As long as you’re on the Earth (and as long as you’re not in an antigravity chamber!), gravity is in force. Gravity holds you every moment of every day, even when you’re not aware of its pull. Focusing on the sensation of being held can help you realize that you’re secure upon the Earth.

To practice

Take a few minutes or longer to focus on the points in your body where gravity is holding you. You may want to notice where your feet connect with the ground, where your buttocks connect with a chair or where your back connects with the surface beneath you, such as a bed. Anytime your mind wanders, gently shift your attention back to the feeling of being held. See if you can develop a body memory of the sensation of being held securely.

In addition to practicing with the sensations of breath and gravity, consider trying ancient practices that cultivate inner calm, such as yoga, tai chi or qigong. Some studios even offer parent/child classes, so that you and your child can learn and practice together.

Taking time to cultivate inner calm can help you find moments of repose amid life’s challenges. Sometimes these moments are simply a matter of pausing and noticing one breath. And then the next one … and the one after that … and so on.

JULY 2022

5 Easy Steps to Manage Your Emotions

Fear. Anger. Frustration. Challenging emotions are part of life. If you’re looking for steps to manage your emotions, look no further than the present moment. Becoming aware of your immediate experience can help lessen the sting of life’s difficult circumstances.

Consider applying the following five steps to situations that trigger negative emotions, even the minor, everyday happenings. For instance, let’s say you start to prepare dinner while your toddler is playing a game in the kitchen. You find the musical sounds of his toy particularly annoying after a long day at work. Yet, since he’s fully engaged, you don’t want to interrupt his playtime. This is a perfect time to practice bringing your attention to the present by noticing the small sense of unease that’s arisen in you.

Notice your body.

Start by paying attention to how your body feels. Perhaps your muscles automatically tensed when you heard the sound of the toy. See if you’re able to release muscular tension. Here’s a guided meditation that will help you learn to relax your body.

Focus on your breath.

Feel the rhythmic movement as you breathe. Notice the coolness of the air when you breathe in and its warmth when you breathe out. Notice the feeling of your chest or belly rising and falling.

Pay attention to your self-talk.

Perhaps your internal dialog is saying, “I’ll never get a quiet moment to myself!” See if you can release predictions you may be making about the future. Stay with the immediate experience of the present moment, i.e., “I notice I’m agitated by the toy’s sounds.”

Engage your senses.

See if you can shift your focus beyond the sound of your child’s toy. A great way to do this is to notice what you’re experiencing with your senses. Bring your attention to the smell of the onions you’re chopping or the sound of the knife on the cutting board.

Witness yourself.

Imagine you’re seeing yourself through a third party’s eyes. Look at yourself with compassion as you wrestle with your emotion. Witnessing yourself in this manner can give you perspective about your situation, and also serve as a calming mechanism.

These simple steps to manage your emotions are meant to acknowledge what you’re feeling, while also broadening your awareness beyond just the emotion itself. By practicing these steps with everyday situations that don’t have a big emotional charge for you, you’ll be better prepared to deal with more challenging situations. Additionally, teaching children these techniques will give them tools that can last a lifetime.

JUNE 2022

The Labyrinth: An Ancient Meditation Tool

Looking to introduce mindful practices into your child’s life? Consider trying the labyrinth – an ancient meditation tool that has been rediscovered in modern times. Walking the labyrinth’s path is a perfect activity for families who are constantly on the go.

Labyrinths are often used as tools for meditation, relaxation, healing or enlightenment. Some walk the path of this ancient meditation tool to quiet the mind. Others like to bring a question to the labyrinth to see if they can gain insight or clarity.

What is the labyrinth?

The labyrinth consists of a single winding path that leads to the center and back out again. Unlike a maze, there are no choices to make about which way to turn. The labyrinth is level with the ground and doesn’t have walls or dividers. Permanent labyrinths are made from materials such as rock, pavers or tile, along with being painted on hard surfaces such as concrete. A labyrinth’s diameter can range from as little as 12 feet to 50 feet or more.

Children (and adults, too!) often enjoy running, skipping or jumping along the labyrinth’s path. Alternatively, some people like to walk slowly, deliberately placing one foot in front of the other. No matter what walking style you choose, it’s important to be respectful of others on the path. Allow anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes for a labyrinth walk, since times vary depending on the pace of those walking.

How it works

To walk the labyrinth, start at the beginning of the path, follow the twists and turns to the center, pause and walk out using the same pathway. A significant physiological effect is created by the many left-to-right and right-to-left turns on the path. These turns can balance the left and right sides of the brain and provide a centering experience.

The origins of the practice of labyrinth walking remain a mystery. Labyrinths have been found in ancient civilizations such as Greece, Crete, Egypt, Ireland, Peru, Scandinavia and more. Today they’re found in both secular and religious settings, including the grounds of retreat centers, parks, hospitals and universities.

Want to try a labyrinth walk? You’ll find an outdoor painted labyrinth overlooking the Potomac River in Georgetown Waterfront Park. You can also discover more labyrinths in the Washington, D.C. area, along with labyrinths around the world, by searching the World-Wide Labyrinth Locator.

In addition, click here to discover varied practices to bring to this ancient meditation tool. As you begin on the path, remember that there is no right or wrong way to walk the labyrinth. Simply honor your own pace and trust your experience.

MAY 2022

Five Relaxation Tips for New Parents

Welcoming a new baby into your household is a time of great transition. The first few weeks or months of parenthood can often feel overwhelming. For this reason, consider using strategies that help reduce stress, such as these relaxation tips for new parents.

1. Stay present.

“Be” with your baby, no matter how exhausted you are. Rather than stressing about unfinished tasks that need to be completed, try to focus on the here and now. A great way to stay present is to notice what you’re experiencing with your senses. Smell your baby’s hair, listen to the sounds your baby makes and notice the softness of your baby’s skin.

2. Take a mini-break.

Taking even a couple of minutes to pamper yourself can help restore body, mind and spirit. When you’re caring for a newborn, it’s easy to forget that you need care, as well. Consider taking a luxurious bath during the baby’s nap time, applying a rejuvenating face mask or enjoying relaxing music.

3. Meditate.

Practicing meditation is a proven technique for reducing stress. Here’s a simple exercise to try: Sit in a comfortable position, bringing all your attention to your breath. Whenever your mind wanders, gently bring your awareness back to your breath, even if it’s every second or two. For more information about meditation, visit joyrains.com/resources/.

4. Create a meditative retreat place in your home.

Having a place to “get away” can be especially restorative. Enjoy your retreat place during the baby’s nap time or after the baby goes to bed. One new mom carved out a small space next to the dryer in her basement laundry room. Installing a sliding translucent screen for an outer wall transformed this basement nook into a sacred space. Another created a private meditation space by using a sheer curtain in a bedroom corner as a divider. Another uses a favorite chair in the living room. Your place could even be portable – for example, a meditation cushion that you use in different settings.

5. Keep your perspective.

Since newborns need care around the clock, you may feel like you’ll never enjoy a full night’s sleep again. Even when you’re exhausted, realize this time of sleepless nights is temporary. At some point your child will, indeed, sleep through the night – and so will you.

In addition to these relaxation tips for new parents, consider keeping a running list of tips that work for you. These strategies will not only serve you when your child is a newborn; they will continue to serve you for years to come.

APRIL 2022

A Simple Remedy for Natural Stress Relief

Looking for natural stress relief? Try spending time in nature. Numerous studies point to nature’s healing properties – including reduced stress, boosted immunity and enhanced well-being. In fact, doctors in Canada can now prescribe national park passes to help patients improve their health!

Nature helps you focus on the here and now, rather than being in lost in thoughts about the past and future. For example, let’s consider a teenage girl who’s overcome with embarrassment because of an incident at school. She’s overwhelmed by thoughts cycling in her mind, such as “I can’t believe this is happening to me! I’ll never get over this!”

Recognizing their daughter’s angst, the parents take her to their favorite destination for natural stress relief: The Chesapeake and Ohio Canal National Historical Park in Potomac, Maryland. The father reminds his daughter that it’s important to acknowledge her difficult feelings, but it’s also important not to constantly focus on them. He encourages her to interrupt her cycling thoughts – and broaden her awareness by noticing the sights and sounds around her.

Taking her father’s advice, she shifts her attention to the beautiful vista of the river stretching into the distance. She listens to the thundering waters of Great Falls cascading over the rocks. As she focuses on her immediate experience, a deep feeling of relaxation envelops her. As a matter of fact, for a time she totally forgets herself and becomes fully immersed in the beauty of nature.

She’s completely aware of the present moment, rather than consumed by her anxious thoughts. With the vastness and sensory experience of the park, all her attention is on nature’s sights, sounds, textures and smells. Her thoughts still exist; however, now she’s able to focus beyond them. In essence, nature is offering her a simple remedy for natural stress relief.

The Washington, D.C. area offers many options for enjoying the outdoors, including:

Rock Creek Park, Washington, D.C.
Montgomery Parks, Maryland (Here you’ll find Brookside Gardens, an award-winning 50-acre public display garden.)
Victory Farm Park, City of Gaithersburg, Maryland
Prince George’s County Parks and Recreation, Maryland (Many natural areas, including Jug Bay Natural Area with everything from birding to river ecology tours.)
Seneca Creek State Park, Maryland
Great Falls, overlooking the falls on the Potomac River: Maryland Side (Near the Visitor’s Center, you’ll find a lovely boardwalk leading to a panoramic view of Great Falls. Note: dogs aren’t allowed on the boardwalk.) And Virginia side.
Assateague Island National Seashore, Maryland and Virginia
NOVA Parks, Virginia (Many nature-oriented parks and sanctuaries.)
Fairfax County Park Authority, Virginia
Virginia State Parks
Friends Wilderness Center, Harpers Ferry, West Virginia (A unique 1,400-acre wilderness preserve and sanctuary, accessible by dirt roads.)
Cape Henlopen State Park, Lewes, Delaware

MARCH 2022

Stressed? It’s not all in your head.

Imagine you’re thinking about your packed work schedule when you receive unwelcome news. Your child’s school is shifting to remote learning, effective immediately. You struggle to regroup and arrange child care as your thoughts spin and your muscles tense. At this moment, you can’t differentiate between mental strain and physical tension – all you know is that you’re stressed.

Bringing awareness to the stress in your mind and body can help reduce it.

As the old saying goes, “If you can name it, you can tame it.” Pay attention to the tension in your body first, since it’s easier to regulate your body than your mind. For example, your body will walk more slowly if you tell it to, but telling your mind to think more slowly will not often work.

Your body’s stress response is an ancient survival mechanism called the fight or flight response. This instinctive reaction happens unconsciously. Where you can make a conscious choice, however, is with how you respond to your body’s tension.

Consider responding with a technique that helps you notice and release stress, such as the Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercise.

Developed by Dr. Edmund Jacobson in the 1920s, this exercise consists of a gentle tightening and releasing of each muscle group. These gentle movements will help you learn to differentiate between the feeling of a muscle when it’s tensed versus its feeling when relaxed. You can also practice this exercise to help you fall asleep at night.

Start by either sitting or lying down in a comfortable position.
Bring all your attention to your body as you take a few breaths, noticing your chest or belly rising and falling. Next, begin a process of gently tightening and releasing each muscle group, starting with your feet and working your way upwards to the top of your head.
Hold each muscle tightly for about five seconds, then release it completely.
Try to notice the difference between the muscle tightened and the muscle relaxed.
Move onto the next muscle group until you’ve worked through your entire body.
Be gentle with yourself. Don’t strain or do anything that causes pain.
Any time your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to the tightening and releasing of your muscles.
Once you’ve relaxed your entire body, pause and notice how you feel. See if you can develop a muscle memory of how it feels to relax.

Consider teaching the Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercise to your child. You can even practice together. Calling upon this technique will serve both of you throughout your lives.

Find my free guided Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercise on Insight Timer. In future columns, I’ll discuss releasing stress in your mind. Stay tuned!

FEBRUARY 2022

Mindful Parenting Tips: A Handy Tool for Peace of Mind

Want to find some peace of mind? Try a simple meditation practice using a stone as a focal point for your attention.

Choose a smooth stone that fits into the palm of your hand. Stones can be found outside in nature or purchased through retailers.

You can practice this meditation any time you have a few minutes to yourself.

To start, keep the stone handy as you sit in a comfortable position, bringing your attention to your body.
Become aware of how your body feels. If you notice any tension, see if you can release it. One way to do this is to imagine directing your inhale to any tense areas and then imagine breathing the tension out with your exhale. Another technique is to imagine any tense areas getting warmer and warmer until they melt away.
Next, pick up your stone and hold it in your hand. Gently rest your attention on its qualities, including the stone’s weight, temperature, shape, texture and size. Do your fingers close around it? How does it feel if you hold it lightly or if you hold it more tightly?

As you practice, it’s not uncommon to be continually distracted by thoughts, since it’s the nature of the mind to wander. When distractions arise, rather than forcefully pushing them away, simply shift your attention back to your stone — even if it’s every second or two. By resting your attention on your stone’s qualities, you’re focusing on a tangible object, rather than focusing on thoughts that may be creating stress.

With repeated practice, a stone can serve as a reminder of being centered and grounded.

You can even place a stone in your pocket, keeping it handy for times when a quick dose of centering is needed. For instance, let’s say your child throws a temper tantrum in the middle of a grocery store. Rather than letting her behavior send you into a tailspin, simply reach into your pocket and take a breath or two as you touch your stone. You can also teach your child how to meditate with a stone. Consider sending an anxious child to school with a stone in his pocket to remind him that he knows how to center himself.

As an added bonus, stone meditations can become family activities. Your family can collect stones while on walks or hikes and display them in a small basket in your home. Some families even like to set aside time to practice stone meditations together. Whether practicing together or practicing alone, this handy tool can remind you to center yourself, even if it’s just for one or two breaths.

Want to reduce stress? Try the mindfulness practice of “not knowing.”

Rather than living with anxieties about an unknown future outcome, simply keep your attention on the present moment.

Examples

For instance, let’s say you get an unexpected call from the nurse’s office at your child’s elementary school. Your son is crying inconsolably after a tumble from the playground equipment. As you rush to the school, your thoughts cycle. What if he broke a bone? Do we need to go to the hospital? Will he still be able to play on his basketball team?

Or perhaps your middle schooler enjoyed a weekend sleepover at her best friend’s house. As Monday rolls around, you get a call from her friend’s mother. One of the children at the sleepover just tested positive for COVID-19. The news sends you into a tailspin. Will my daughter get sick? If she becomes ill, will she suffer from long-term effects? Are the other members of my household safe?

The Future

Much of the stress from these scenarios comes from anxious thoughts about the future. If you were to become aware of your thinking, you’d realize that you’re reacting to events that haven’t even happened. Maybe they’d happen in the future, but maybe they wouldn’t. You could remind yourself that you simply don’t know what will happen next.

To practice the mindfulness technique of “not knowing,” pause and and notice any anxious thoughts about imagined future outcomes. See if you can release these thoughts and simply accept the unknown. Each time another anxious thought arises, remind yourself that you don’t know. Did he break a bone? I don’t know. Will we need to go to the hospital? I don’t know. Will he be able to play basketball? I don’t know. All you know is that your child is hurting and that you’re deeply concerned. Keeping your attention on what you do know, rather than on what you don’t know, helps free you from anxieties. As an added bonus, when you reduce your own anxiety level, your child’s anxiety level is likely reduced as well.

Not Knowing

Although not knowing is a simple concept, it’s not always easy to practice, especially if you have a busy mind. Like learning any new skill, this technique becomes more accessible with repetition. The next time you notice yourself getting caught up in anxious thoughts about an unknown future, simply remind yourself that you don’t know — and it’s okay not to know.

JANUARY 2022

Want to reduce stress? Try the mindfulness practice of “not knowing.” Rather than living with anxieties about an unknown future outcome, simply keep your attention on the present moment.