The seemingly sudden metamorphosis that comes with puberty may trigger worries for kids and teens about their looks and how their bodies have changed, and continue to change, as they grow. The vast variation in the timing of the onset of puberty can feed kids’ anxiety as each child/adolescent matures at a different rate. According to John Hopkins Medicine, the beginning of puberty for males ranges from 9½ years old to 14 years old. For females, the range begins as young as 8 years old and extends to 13 years old. Some girls are very cognizant of their new need to wear a bra, and boys are hyperaware of their growth spurts or lack thereof.
Understanding Adolescent Development
The Department of Human Services Office of Population Affairs publishes a free pdf document entitled Adolescent Development Explained that offers important insights into all the different ways adults can support young people as they navigate puberty, from physical changes to emotional changes, including brain development as well as social and moral development.
The lives of modern adolescents vary greatly from the experiences of previous generations. Parents and other caring adults are well-served to educate themselves about the complexities of the lives of teens, to best support the physical changes and the emotional impact of those changes on kids as they move through puberty.
Teen Need Clothes that Fit and are Stylish
One thing parents can do is to make sure their child is wearing clothes that fit their body now. When students wear clothes that are too small, their self-consciousness about their body changes will be heightened. If the clothes they’re wearing are ill-fitting hand-me-downs, or are too large, that can lead to discomfort as well. Keeping up with quickly changing bodies makes clothes shopping a real challenge, not to mention a significant expense. The need to buy a whole new wardrobe for one’s children every couple of months can feel overwhelming, as it is very hard to keep them in right-fitting clothes that also meet the current demands of fashion. For some teens in the throes of puberty, though, their self-esteem may be tied to what they wear and how they wear it. Helping your teen take the lead in clothes shopping can bridge the gap. Try giving them a quarterly budget for shoes and clothes and letting them decide what to buy that will make them feel confident and good in what they are wearing.
Puberty Arrives in Its Own Time for Everyone
Another great topic of conversation to have with older elementary and middle school kids is to talk about how puberty comes at different times for each person. Some early developers might struggle because emotionally they are the same age as their peers, but their body looks much older. The same is true for kids who may be lagging behind their friends with the onset of hormonal changes and growth spurts. Make sure to share with your child that these changes are normal and that every person reaches puberty in their own time.
Body changes are expected as puberty begins, as are emotional changes. The combination of hormonal and physical changes can produce feelings of irritability, sadness and withdrawal. The Adolescent Development Explained guide recommends that parents model healthy emotional regulation so their teens can see how to navigate their own identity development, manage big emotions like anger or sadness and how to resolve conflicts in a respectful manner. Helping your teen develop emotional literacy by asking questions about their feelings and seeking to help them guess how other people feel by looking at nonverbal cues will aid your teen in learning how to navigate the complicated world of their own emotional development.
As puberty continues, no matter where your teen lands on the physical/ developmental spectrum, many kids are highly sensitive to comments about their bodies. Boys who have grown 5 inches in less than a year typically do not appreciate hearing over and over again how tall they are. Young women are equally attuned to comments about their looks and how mature they are now. Helping adult friends and family members remember to curb comments about your teen’s physical appearance will help set your young person at ease. This will also help the other adults in their lives understand that while the changes in puberty might be noticeable, making comments about them can turn an adult’s well-intentioned observation into an embarrassing interaction for your adolescent.
Ariel Frager loves to get outside to surf, play and travel the world. She is a mental health therapist who specializes in working with kids. Ariel writes about outdoor and family adventures for Travel + Leisure, Gear Junkie, Girl Camper and other publications.