Navigating the Tweenage Years:

Parenting Through the Transition

Tween Conversation	Translation
I just saw Kathy mew!	Kathy is changing how her face looks by pressing her tongue to the roof of her mouth to make her jawline look slimmer.
She thinks she is sigma.	She thinks she is cool.
Her outfit is giving try hard.	She tried too hard on her outfit.
Wow, that was amazing! You ate that performance.	You gave a great performance.

What is this strange foreign language? While it sounds and looks like gibberish, it’s a typical tween conversation. In addition to the terms above, other popular slang terms are rizz, Big W/Big L, cap, stan and skibidi.

When I grew up, you were either a child, teen or adult. There are now different terms for stages of development. A tween is a child who is “in between” childhood and puberty and is between eight and 12 years of age. When I was a tween, my conversations were peppered with words like gross, rad, chill, no duh, gag me with a spoon and chill pill – which could easily be deciphered from the context of our discussions.

The tween years are characterized by a desire for greater independence, the onset of puberty, intense emotions, discovery of the opposite sex, personality development, and increased self-expression. My 11-year-old is at the tail end of tweendom and is fully enmeshed in these behaviors.

Here are some tips for parents to aid them in maneuvering these tricky times:

Encourage Greater Autonomy: Encourage your tween to be comfortable in articulating their interests. Maybe up until now, you have had a primary say in the types of activities your child is engaged in. Now is the time to allow your child to express their thoughts on how they would like to constructively spend their time, which means that your child may forsake an activity that you hoped they would pursue. This change may make you sad, but allowing your child to have a greater say in their life may allow you to enjoy a closer relationship than before.
Bodily Changes: Your child’s body is changing. They may have questions about what is happening as they approach puberty. Recently, my daughter saw the movie based on the Judy Blume classic, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. She raucously laughed when she saw the girls doing the often-quoted chant, “I must. I must. I must increase …” You know the rest. While she isn’t trying to increase her bra size, we talk about her changing body and what to expect so she isn’t scared and views this process as normal. A great book on this topic is The Care and Keeping of You.
Mental Health: The issue of children’s mental health has become very important with the rise of social media. Tweens can face numerous mental health challenges including social pressures, body image issues, increased academic challenges and greater responsibilities at home. Tweens are at risk for anxiety, depression and eating disorders. Parents and caregivers can provide support by being involved in their children’s school and academic events, respecting personal space, including tweens in decision-making processes, checking in regularly and leading by example by through healthy lifestyle choices.
Friendship: This is a period when kids are trying to understand the meaning of friendship. How do I know if someone is my friend? How do I make friends? What does it mean to be popular? Can I be unique and still have friends? All of these things are reassessed almost daily. Having a listening ear that isn’t quick to judge is what tweens need most to help them navigate these enduring questions.

“Having a listening ear that isn’t quick to judge is what tweens need most to help them navigate these enduring questions.”

While you may feel a tinge of sadness as your offspring begin their march toward adolescence and their exit from childhood, the tween years are a pivotal time to lay a foundation that you and your child can enjoy now and in the future by having open and honest communication; respecting their burgeoning individuality, developing bodies, fluctuating emotions and opinions; and taking steps to protect their mental health. Everyone keeps telling me that my daughter will be graduating from high school in the “blink” of an eye. Before that blink happens, I want to ensure that my daughter and I have our feet firmly planted on solid ground for whatever curves life throws our way and this process begins during these tween years.

Kristi Guillory Reid is an attorney, author and consultant. Her first book, Harper Counts Her Blessings, teaches children about the value of thankfulness and gratitude.

Navigating the Tweenage Years:

Here are some tips for parents to aid them in maneuvering these tricky times:

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