How to Combat Bullying
If bullying seems more prevalent today, that’s because it is. Research
shows that one in three students experienced some form of bullying during
the 2017-18 school year – that’s up from 28 percent just two years ago.
Unfortunately, victims of bullying may suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety
or depression issues that can last well beyond childhood.
Of course, parents want to help, but we often don’t know how. I turned to
Fabian Ramirez, a bullying prevention expert, for guidance. Fabian, once a
victim of bullying himself, regularly counsels parents, students and
teachers on ways to combat this troubling trend.
He shared three ways parents can support a child who is being bullied:
-
Understand What Bullying Is – and What It Isn’t
Some students, especially younger kids, hear the term “bullying” and
believe that’s what they’re experiencing. But Fabian says there’s a
difference between teasing and bullying. Most kids, he says, have
experienced some form of teasing – occasional name-calling, mocking and the
like. This is simply a part of childhood. “If everyone is having a good
time and no one is getting hurt, it’s highly likely that it’s teasing,” he
says.Also, sometimes kids just have bad days and they don’t know how to express
themselves appropriately, so they take it out on a classmate. If this only
happens once, Fabian defines this as a “mean moment”.On the other hand, bullying occurs when a student is being socially,
emotionally or physically attacked on purpose, with malicious intent and on
a regular, ongoing basis. “One of the best questions a parent can ask is,
“how many times has this happened?” Fabian says. “If it happened one time
then we can nip it in the bud and chalk it up to a mean moment. But if it’s
three or four times, now it’s bullying behavior because the student is
being repeatedly targeted.” -
Communicate Openly and Honestly With Your Child
In this age of 24/7 digital entertainment, many parents struggle to have
open conversations with their children. But Fabian says to keep trying! By
parents asking specific questions about students’ days every day, students
generally feel more confident to talk about problems at school or if other
kids are hurting them. Every student should have at least one or two loving
adults around them with whom they feel comfortable detailing exactly what’s
going on in their lives.“When kids don’t talk out, they act out,” Fabian says. “The last thing we
want is for our kids to end up doing something they regret.” That includes
becoming a bully. Many bullies were actually victims of bullying first.
People who have been hurt often end up hurting other people, Fabian
explains.“It’s natural for somebody who has been hurt to transfer their hurt onto
someone else. It’s a vicious cycle when you don’t get help,” he says. -
Explain That Reporting Isn’t Snitching
Many students are afraid to tell someone that they are being bullied
because they fear retaliation. But Fabian encourages parents and students
to think about it differently. Kids often believe they’re protecting
themselves by not disclosing the names of their bullies, however the
opposite is true.“They’re actually becoming more vulnerable because once a bully knows they
can get away with hurting you, they start thinking about how else they can
hurt you, as they already know you’re not going to do anything about it,”
Fabian says.Some kids also fear being labeled a snitch if they report their bully to a
teacher or principal. But there’s an important difference between snitching
and reporting, as Fabian explains. “A snitch tells the truth so that
someone can get in trouble; when you report, you tell the truth so that
someone can get the help they need.”
Originally published: 10-01-19
Updated: 11-10-22
Related
