Ready or not, the first day of school is upon us. The sights and sounds of school children and their parents return as they pile out of cars and walk up to the doors. Elementary school families are especially fun to watch because no matter the city or state, these parents are easy to pick out. Which one are you?
- The First Timer
We are all first timers at some point. These poor parents look as lost as their children. They are shocked at the size of 5th graders and can’t believe their baby will ever be that big. The First Timer parent will put on a brave face for their child at the door but burst into tears as they turn to go home. The end of the school day cannot come fast enough.
- The Veteran
Been there, done that. They are unfazed by the chaos of the drop-off line, the unusual items on the supply list and the drama of the other parents. The Veteran parent can be seen toasting their friends with travel mugs as they stop at the school sidewalk. No need to walk their kids to the door. The Veteran never lingers as they have a to-do list a mile long.
- The Documenter
This is the parent who is taking a video of their child getting out of the car and walking to the door. The Documenter brings props to the playground to enhance their pictures, like a social media pro, making their kids reenact the walk or pose until it is perfect. These parents have it posted and hashtagged before they leave the school parking lot.
- The Teacher’s Pet
This parent is a beacon of light in an overwhelmed teacher’s morning. She brings the teacher a latte, a gift card to the liquor store and extra school supplies from her wish list. The Teacher’s Pet has already volunteered for every opportunity in the classroom and caters breakfast for the staff on the first day of school.
- The Mayor
This parent knows everyone because she has been at the school for an extremely long time. All the teachers and staff know her and greet her by name. The Mayor has been on every PTA committee at least once, and has been PTA president. She even has an understood designated parking spot in the front of the school where she can be found every morning, holding court.
- The Hot Mess
She arrives at the school, dressed in pajamas, after the morning bell and is still packing lunches from the front seat. Miscellaneous papers fly out of her van as the kids get out. The family Goldendoodle barks happily from the front seat and tries to jump out the window. The Hot Mess parent must get out of the van to close the sliding door, as she has been meaning to get that fixed.
- The Career Parent
Dressed nicer than the rest of us, this parent will most likely be multitasking on the first day of school. The Career Parent waves and smiles but cannot talk because she is listening to a conference call that she could not get out of. Her kids are organized and self-sufficient and they all communicate through a form of family sign language. Before it’s her turn to speak on the call, she points to the ground and holds up three fingers (“Meet you here at 3:00.”)
- The Complainer
Everything is wrong. The school supply list is too long. The drop-off line moves too slowly. The teacher’s email is too vague. The playground equipment doesn’t have enough swings. The hot lunch menu is limited. The Complainer shares her disgust loudly with anyone who is listening – her children, other parents, the teacher and everyone on staff who has their email posted on the school website.
- The Caretaker
This is the person stepping in for Mom or Dad when dropping the child off for the first day of school. Much like the First Timer, this person doesn’t know which door the child enters and doesn’t know how the morning drop-off lane works. They cross the child in the middle of the street, stopping traffic and angering the crossing guard. The child bows their head in shame and scrambles inside.
- The Homeschool Mom
She is the one watching from her front porch and smiling. The first day of school has always been her favorite as the parks, pools and stores are less crowded. They started school three weeks ago and next week are headed out for their back-to-school vacation while most children are in the classroom.
Pam Molnar is a freelance writer and humorist. She proudly wears the title of Veteran Parent of three.
