“I don’t know how you do it!”
It was a simple statement. There was no ill will behind it, just an honest thought from one mom to another. Something I’ve thought a thousand times about other parents. But this was directed at a mom gathering her five kids, most with special needs, into the car after a trip to the store.
The mom smiled and replied, “You just do.”
Every parent has been there, walked through something challenging and kept going. It’s what we do as parents. When you have a child with differently abled kids, there’s more.
Sometimes it feels like the challenges never end. And the stakes feel high. A lot of times parents of kids with differently abled kids have to push through really hard things, often alone because people don’t know how to help.
Here are 10 ways you can help support families with differently abled kids:
Keep showing up
More than anything, they need people in their life that are not afraid to show up, even when they don’t know what to do. You don’t have to have the answers, you just need to be present.
Invite the kids
Kids who are differently abled are often left out of fun activities like playdates and birthday parties. Have a quick conversation with the parent or send a text asking what you can do to help their child enjoy the activity. You can invite the child for a one-on-one playdate instead of a group playtime, welcome the parent to stay and ask if they need any accommodations. Simply ask how you can meet the family where they are and welcome them.
Don’t gossip
This should go without saying, but it’s easy to forget. Don’t talk about the family or the child’s needs with other people. If you have a question, simply ask the parent. This is enough of a struggle with the kids they encounter. They don’t need adults making it harder.
Get practical
Differently abled children often require special care and appointments. This can mean multiple doctors, therapists and specialists within one week or even one day. Bring coffee to school drop-off. Offer to babysit the parents’ other kids. Leave a meal on their porch or send delivery. It can go a long way for a tired mama. And don’t forget the paper plates!
Ask kindly
Most families are familiar with people wondering about their differently abled child. Instead of steering clear and avoiding the subject, ask thoughtful and kind questions. It is far better than staring. Special needs are nothing to be ashamed of. We can talk about them in ways that we are all comfortable with.
Respect privacy
Everyone has a story. It’s natural to be curious about someone’s situation, but it’s important to give people the privacy they deserve. Just because you can see someone’s disability doesn’t mean they want to share every detail about it. Honor what they are comfortable talking about and what they would like to keep private.
Invite the parents
We all need friendship and community, both of which can be hard to come by when you are caring for a differently abled kid. Invite the parents out to dinner or to a barbecue. They may not be able to come as often as they would like (or ever), but being invited reminds them that they are seen and valued. Keep inviting them, reminding them there is no pressure.
Accept quiet
If you text or call and you don’t hear back, try not to be offended. Think of how much you are juggling daily and throw a dozen more things in the mix (some of them life and death). This is what parents with a differently abled child handle regularly. If they don’t get to text or call back, there may be a reason. Don’t write them off. A simple “I’m thinking of you” to follow up reminds parents you care.
Interact with the child
Sometimes people don’t know what to say when they see a differently abled child, so they say nothing. Make the effort to interact with the child. Ask them what their favorite color is or what they want to be when they grow up. Value the child and show the family they matter.
Do more than smile
Families with differently abled children have a lot of people who smile and say a quick hello but never engage. It may feel new and unfamiliar for you but making the effort to engage in real friendship with families makes a big difference for them and for you. Try it and see!
Related:
Rebecca Hastings is a former teacher who is passionate about authenticity, faith and family. Her books are available on Amazon, and she has been featured on sites such as The Washington Post and Parents. In real life, she can often be found typing words, driving her kids places or wherever there is chocolate.
Rebecca Hastings is a former teacher who is passionate about authenticity, faith and family. Her books are available on Amazon, and she has been featured on sites such as The Washington Post and Parents. In real life, she can often be found typing words, driving her kids places or wherever there is chocolate.
