Every month we share a question that a reader has asked, and I offer my advice as a parent/mom mentor and coach. However, this article will read differently.
Recently, the subject of mom rage has been in the news, both locally and nationally.
So I thought we should talk about it. I’m sure there isn’t a mother anywhere who does not get angry, frustrated or irritated from time to time. Mom rage is different.
On a recent national talk show, the host interviewed several moms who were dealing with rage that manifested differently for each of them (none of these mothers spoke of physically harming their children). One mother confessed through tears that at times she wanted to make her children cry. She was hurting and wanted them to hurt also. Another mother admitted to yelling at her children more often than engaging or talking with them on most days.
The pain that these women were feeling was evident and palpable through the screen; I could feel their remorse and cry for help. My goodness, why else would they come on national TV to discuss such a taboo subject? Most of us would never talk about this privately, let alone where tens of thousands, if not more, would watch.
The article that sparked the discussion, “The Rage Mothers Don’t Talk About,” was written by Minna Dubin for The New York Times in 2019 and republished in April 2020, just as the pandemic was gaining momentum. The article can be found here.
“Overwhelming stress and impossible expectations of modern motherhood, combined with the immense lack of support in the family structure and also in societal systems”, shared Dubin, are some of the contributing factors to mom rage.
Dr. Ashurina Ream, a licensed clinical psychologist and guest on the show, commended the mothers there for showing great courage in sharing their stories. Undoubtedly, they helped many others to not feel so alone. She then explained that hormonal imbalance, chronic sleep deprivation, depression and feelings of powerlessness can all be contributing factors to mom rage.
Of course, after appearing on the show, many of these women received backlash, judgment, negative comments and more.
The purpose of my column today is to tell any parent who is experiencing rage, “You are not a bad parent, you are not alone, there is grace for you and there is help available.” If any of this sounds familiar or if you can relate to the rage article, don’t hesitate to discuss your feelings with your primary doctor or a licensed therapist.
Parents are people, too. We need love, understanding, support and help. Instead of saying, “I’ll look into it one day,” let today be day one of the beginning of that process.
As always, I will continue to support you with advice and strategies that can help bring balance to your life and your home. Send any questions, comments or concerns to coachdeborah@washingtonparent.net. In the meantime, click here for home/life balance tips.
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