“Why do you talk like that?” I heard the question come from behind me as I
helped another child in the Sunday school class.
“It’s just the way I am.” I heard my sister-in-law wisely answer the
curious boy.
My sister-in-law, Kara, was born with Cerebral Palsy. She was helping me in
the classroom that day when one of the kids noticed her speech is
different. Kara has been taught to answer “It’s just the way I am” after
years of questions about her differences.
Our kids have grown up around their beloved Aunt Kara and accept her as she
is, but there came a time when each of them have asked about Kara’s
disability and why it makes her different.
Chances are, at some point, your child will meet someone at school or in
the community who has a disability. It is normal for children to have
questions about people who are different, which means parents should be
prepared to answer their questions in an intelligent and appropriate way.
Here are some tips to get the conversation started:
Everyone is different but the same
All of us have unique gifts, personalities and challenges. No two people
are the same and this is a great thing because diversity makes life
interesting and fun. While we are all different, everyone has things in
common, too. All people, including people with disabilities, want to have
friends, be shown respect and be accepted. Encourage your child to embrace
the differences of others and find common ground, as well. If your child is
interested in a popular television show, book, toy or game, chances are a
person with special needs is, too. Ask them what they love to do. I would
guess they will be happy to tell you.
Types of disabilities
Some disabilities are obvious and some are not. Some people may need a
walker or wheelchair to help them move around. Others may have a cognitive
(thinking) disability that is not as visible. Explain in simple terms that
people struggle with different things and may need a little extra help from
a physical tool (like a wheelchair) or help from others. People can have
impairments with sight, hearing, walking, speech, cognitive or a variety of
other things. It is important to note that just because someone is in a
wheelchair, it does not mean they have a cognitive disability. Also,
disabilities are not contagious and children are not going to “catch” the
disability. These things may sound obvious to adults, but children process
things differently and many have these questions.
Name calling is never okay
Emphasize that people with disabilities have feelings, too. Name calling is
hurtful and disrespectful, and is a form of bullying. People with
disabilities need others to stand up for them when they cannot stand up for
themselves. Encourage your child to tell an adult if kids are teasing
another child. Your child can be an example to others by being kind and
respectful. Parents can set an example by using positive language and
behavior towards others, as well.
A note about “rude” comments
Kids are curious and love to ask questions. Many times they will speak
exactly what is on their mind, without thinking about whether the comments
will be hurtful. This can be very embarrassing to parents. So what do you
do if your child blurts out a rude and embarrassing comment? Start by
answering calmly and matter of factly. If, for example, your child says
“Why is that boy in a wheelchair?” Simply answer, “He needs it to move
around. Why don’t you say hello?” If the child is reluctant, say hello to
him yourself along with something like “John likes trains. Do you like
trains, too?” If the person accompanying the child responds, follow their
lead. It is always better to treat others as you would like to be treated
than to hurry away in an embarrassing situation. Later, when you are at
home, you can ask your child if they have any other questions about people
with disabilities and reinforce the value of treating everyone equally.
My sister-in-law, now 38 years old, has been asked many questions over the
years, some rude and some just curious. She has learned to handle them well
because she knows that, just like anyone else, she has challenges to
overcome and successes to celebrate. Kara loves watching movies, dancing to
music and taking care of animals. She loves eating candy, pizza and tacos.
She is fun to be around and loves to get out and explore new places. People
with disabilities are just people. Sometimes that simple fact is all kids
need to know.
