Family vacations can be exciting, hectic and memorable. But for parents traveling solo with kids abroad, the journey can be a bit more complicated.
I’ll never forget being questioned by a passport agent as I prepared to fly home to the United States from Germany with my two daughters, who were then 10 and 8 years old. After I presented our passports, the agent looked at me, perhaps noticing my brown eyes and my kids’ blue ones. Then he asked a simple question: “Where is the father of the children?”
The unexpected inquiry made me blush. I couldn’t recall being questioned like this before, and I wondered why it was happening. Quickly, I babbled my explanation – my children’s father was staying in Germany longer to complete a work project – and the agent waved us along.
In retrospect, I’m not sure what I would have done if the agent had asked me to prove I was my children’s mother. Somehow, I doubt he would have accepted my reasoning that we have the same smirk! Though my children and I had valid U.S. passports, I had not packed any other documentation.
Why Questioning Happens
Almost 1 in 4 U.S. children live in single-parent households, according to a 2019 Pew Research Center report. And unfortunately, many parents traveling solo with their kids have experienced far more intense questioning than what I encountered that day at the airport.
While such inquiries can feel intrusive, they’re done for an important reason: to make sure all kids are safe. International parental child abductions occur when children are taken from their country of residence in violation of another parent’s custody rights. According to the U.S. Department of State, many such kidnappings take place during the summer vacation months.
In this environment, single parents traveling alone with kids can expect to face extra scrutiny.
Preparation is Key
By planning ahead, single parents can ensure the journey goes as smoothly as possible. It’s best to start this process at least a few months before the departure date.
Here are tips to consider:
- Ensure everyone’s passports are up to date. Some countries require that passports are valid for at least six months from the end of your trip. You can check your destination’s requirements on the U.S. Department of State’s website. Keep in mind that normal processing times for a U.S. passport range from six to eight weeks, not including the time it takes to mail your materials to and from the passport agency.
- Locate your children’s birth certificates or adoption records and make copies if needed. Pack these documents in your carry-on bag for easy access at checkpoints. If you’ve changed your surname following your child’s birth or adoption, be sure to bring along that supporting documentation. While you don’t need to travel with original documents, it’s best to bring certified copies, and to have electronic versions as backups. You can purchase certified copies of birth certificates by contacting the birth state or territory’s vital records office.
- Obtain a letter of consent from the other parent, if appropriate. The government recommends that single parents carry a letter of consent – signed by the other parent and preferably notarized – stating that the child has permission to travel out of the country with you. To find a notary public near you, try your local bank, library or shipping/photocopy store. Some businesses also offer notary services online. In cases where no other parent is legally involved, pack any relevant paperwork (i.e., proof of sole custody, a death certificate or the child’s birth certificate listing only your name).
- Talk with your children about what to expect. Although being questioned by a uniformed agent can feel intimidating, especially to younger children, remember that the goal is to ensure their safety. Before your trip, explain to your children that border agents may ask them some simple questions, such as who they’re traveling with, their name or age and where the other parent is. Remind them that it’s important to answer truthfully, and that the passport control booth isn’t the place to goof around. There will be plenty of time for fun and games on your trip!
- Share your itinerary with a friend or family member. Make sure someone at home is informed of your plans and can be available via phone on your travel days.
When the day of your trip arrives, focus on remaining calm. Traveling with kids can be difficult, especially when you’re a single parent. Remember that border agents aren’t trying to make your journey more stressful but are doing their best to ensure everyone reaches their destinations safely. Treating officials with respect and staying patient will help you navigate the experience successfully, while modeling a good attitude for your kids.
Gina Rich writes about parenting, health and the natural world. Her work appears in The Washington Post, Notre Dame Magazine, Next Avenue and other outlets. Connect with Rich on her website.
