“Play” can sound frivolous or unimportant, but it is anything but that for a child! It’s through play that children connect with the world and learn about it. It’s through play that children connect with others. Even babies engage in “peek-a-boo.” Strangers standing nearby on a grocery checkout line become friends in just moments if they pause from their task at hand and take the time to play with a baby in front of them.
Be in the Present Moment
How can you embrace your “inner child” to build connection with your child? Children, for the most part, live in the present. If we are intentional in wanting to join them in the present, they will help take us there. The first step is to limit distractions, which may include turning off our phone and other media sources for as long as we hope to connect with our child, whether it be for fifteen minutes or for an hour or two. We may need to put concerns about the future up on a metaphorical shelf, temporarily.
Reflect on Cherished Memories
If turning off your phone and putting aside obligations for a short time may sound like a tall order, I invite you to think back to your favorite childhood memories of time spent with your parents or other special adults. For most of us, those memories include times when a parent played with us, whether it was when your father gave you a piggyback ride, or played a board game or catch with you, or when your mother played with clay with you or worked on a jigsaw puzzle with you. Thinking of those moments of delight may inspire you to create similar moments with your child.
Remember Your Favorite Activities
In addition to entering the present moment by limiting distractions, remembering back to what you liked to do as a child may help you to access your “inner child” and embrace play with your child. What did you like to do? Did you like to hula hoop? Blow bubbles? Ride a bike? What were the things that you wanted to do, but either weren’t allowed to or didn’t have access to? Did you want to splash in mud puddles, or fingerpaint, but you had a parent who didn’t tolerate messiness? Well, now is your time to engage in those activities and to see how much fun they can be! When you introduce your child to activities that you enjoyed (or wished for) when you were young, your enthusiasm, smiles and laughter will be catching!
Enter Your Child’s World and Follow Their Lead
When you think back to those special childhood moments of play with adults, can you remember how much fun it was to have them enter your world by sitting on the ground with you while playing a game? Or by playing catch with you? By having a tea party with you? It is very meaningful to a child to have an adult enter their world. It’s a bit like when a favorite friend or relative comes to visit and they don’t necessarily want to see the tourist sites in your town, but they want to see what your day-to-day life is like: where you grocery shop, where you walk your dog, where your kids go to school. They just want to spend time with you and be with you in your world. That’s what you can do when you enter your child’s world.
When we enter our child’s world, it’s important to get on their level, figuratively and literally! A friend recently shared that she remembered taking her son to the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, DC, when he was a young boy. She was expecting him to be fascinated by the moon rock, lunar modules and airplanes. Instead, he was very intrigued by a large bolt he found on the floor that was used to fasten something. Instead of tugging him along to the next visit, she got on ground with him and listened to him share what he liked about the bolt. She followed his lead. She let him take his time, and she engaged with him. By limiting her distraction (i.e., letting go of her need to show her son the official exhibits), she was able to allow herself to be in the moment and join her son on the ground. She met him where he was – on the floor and engrossed in exploring the giant bolt. And the fact that she still remembers this exploration indicates what meaningful connection it offered.
The Connection Goes Both Ways!
When you make the effort to limit distractions and be in the moment with your child, after reflecting on your favorite times of play with your parents or other important adults in your life, you will find it easier to access your inner child and join your child in play by entering their world, getting on their level and following their lead. When you do this, you will undoubtedly have fun, and your child will know it. Sharing in the fun together will build connection for the two of you. This will, of course, benefit your child and provide a wonderful foundation that will last a lifetime. This connection will have many benefits for you as well. Adults need laughter and fun in their life to provide a reprieve from the many responsibilities and pressures in their life. They need moments of joy and connection, too. Who better to create those moments with than one’s child? And fond memories of playing with children stay with parents for their lifetimes as well.
Maureen McElroy LCMFT (maureenmcelroy.com) is a Certified Parent Educator with The Parent Encouragement Program (pepparent.org), which offers online classes, webinars and on-demand videos for parents of children ages 2 ½-18. She is also a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who sees individuals, couples and families in her Bethesda, Md. practice.
Maureen McElroy LCMFT (maureenmcelroy.com) is a Certified Parent Educator with The Parent Encouragement Program (pepparent.org), which offers online classes, webinars and on-demand videos for parents of children ages 2 ½-18. She is also a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who sees individuals, couples and families in her Bethesda, Md. practice.
