I miss my grandparents. Their sage wisdom, unconditional love and endless hugs were always sources of comfort-something we could all use these days, especially parents.
A recent Care.com survey of 3,000 parents showed 90% are losing sleep due to stress while 80% have cried over caregiving challenges. This echoes a 2024 report from the U.S. Surgeon General, which identified parental stress as a public health concern. For parents of neurodiverse children, the stress is even higher.
In families with neurodiverse children, grandparents can play an outsized role. My parents have played a very active role with my ADHD daughter, and they are a key piece to her growth.
It’s not easy though. How do you determine the best role you as a grandparent can play in a situation as fluid and stressful as raising neurodiverse children? Experts cite five areas where grandparents can offset parental challenges and positively influence grandchildren with developmental disabilities.
Do your homework: Understand the diagnostic details
- The more you understand your grandchild’s specific diagnosis, the better equipped you are to help. Experts at Kennedy Krieger, Children’s Hospital and Georgetown University, alongside the many local therapeutic providers in the DC area, offer neurodiversity education to teach you how your grandchild works.
Lean on me: How grandparents can provide emotional support
- Don’t Fix It: Parents’ first instinct is often to fix a problem, but you can’t “fix” a developmental disability. Simply being there to listen is a way more powerful choice. Best-selling author Lisa Damour recommends validating, inquiring and starting with, “I understand. Is there anything I can do that won’t make the situation worse?”
- Encourage: My mom regularly shares articles and stories of how other parents are managing. Her encouragement keeps me informed, inspired and empowered.
Acts of everyday kindness: Practical ways grandparents can support families with neurodiverse kid
- Child Care: Parents of neurodiverse children need meaningful breaks. If you can take your grandkids, even for an hour, that’s an hour of self-care for your child.
- Transportation: Shuttling kids seems so simple, but it’s so exhausting. If you are local, take your grandchild wherever they need to go. If they need a car seat, put one in your car to alleviate the burden of moving gear around.
- Household Support: My family has heard me say, “I am not an octopus!”. Yet the demands of parenting neurodiverse children require more than two hands. Look for opportunities to help with cooking, cleaning and errand-running.
Lighten the financial load: Providing monetary assistance
- Monetary Assistance: Care for neurodivergent children is massive. From PT to OT, medical to mental, the bills add up and aren’t all covered by insurance. Contribute what you can without strings.
- Resource Management: If money is not an option, help parents navigate financial resources, such as applying for aid or finding grants and scholarships for services.
Let’s play: Fostering connection with neurodiverse grandchildren
- Inclusive Activities: Engage grandchildren in developmentally beneficial social activities.
- Clemyjontri Park in McLean is one of the area’s best sensory-friendly, accessible playgrounds. Enjoy a grandparent play date there with your grandchild, your friends and their grandchildren!
- When it’s time to go inside, my mom and daughter had great fun at Music Together classes and the sensory-friendly shows of Imagination Stage in Bethesda. Sensory-friendly movie times are also available at AMC, Regal, Alamo Drafthouse and other area theaters.
- Understand the Toys: Toys benefiting neurodiverse children aren’t always part of mainstream shopping. Consider indoor swings, kinetic sand, fidget toys and other specialized products. Michael J. Fox shared, “If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.” The same applies to play.
- Family Traditions: Your grandchild may not be able to participate in traditions as you hoped, but they can do A LOT.
- My daughter didn’t have the attention span to participate in cooking full recipes but she loved kneading dough and decorating the table so those were her jobs. Find where your grandchild shines!
- My mom often surrounded my daughter’s holiday plate with puppets and tactile toys – not screens – and it was a holiday hit.
The best gift of all: Unconditional love and security
Today’s parents take pride in raising kids independently, but the truth is, we need you. My parents provided care, stopped by often and regularly asked about my children’s welfare. Their presence offered mental comfort, physical relief and stability for my kids who knew they had their own village of loving caregivers behind them all the way.
Susan Abrams of The Social Coach has 30 years’ experience as a speech-language pathologist in the Washington, DC area and echoes the thought. “Grandparents often provide a sense of security and unconditional love. Their presence allows grandchildren to feel emotionally grounded, especially during challenging times.”
Supporting families with neurodiverse children: Key questions grandparents can ask
As a grandparent, if you are unsure of how to engage, ask your adult children, “What are the best ways to support you?” Allow your children the time and space to consider the question and come back to you with thoughtful answers.
Now, go. Your grandchildren await.
Originally from suburban Maryland, Meredith Conte is a writer and mother of two. With the intent of touching the human heart, Meredith draws from her own life experience to write on cultural moments and trends.
📢 DC-Area Grandparent Networking Event
and Book Signing of
Good Times with Out-Of-Sync Grandkids:
Activities for Grown-ups and Children with Sensory Processing Disorder
Connect with fellow grandparents of children who are neurodiverse and gain valuable insights at this special gathering.
When: Sunday, June 1, 2025
Who: Families, grandparents, colleagues and friends – all are welcome!
Where: The BECO Building – Fitness for Health, 11140 Rockville Pike, Rockville, Md.
Event Schedule
🔹 3 p.m. – Grandparent Networking Event
🔹 4-5:30 p.m. – Book Talk, Fun Activities, & Signing with Carol Kranowitz, M.A., author of The Out-of-Sync Child and her new book, Good Times with Out-of-Sync Grandkids: Activities for Grown-ups and Children with Sensory Processing Disorder
Sponsored by: The Social Coach, LLC, & Out-of-Sync Child, Inc.
📌 Register now.
Related:
Talking to Your Neurodivergent Child About Their Diagnosis: Part 2 – The What and How
Originally from suburban Maryland, Meredith Conte is a writer and mother of two. With the intent of touching the human heart, Meredith draws from her own life experience to write on cultural moments and trends.
