From Role Model to Real Model: How Fathers Can Outsmart the Manosphere

It doesn’t matter what my husband is doing; our children are always watching him. My kids want to play the sports he plays, hear his views, learn about his childhood. One of my young boys even insists on using Old Spice to smell like him. Dads are some of the most powerful influences on kids – for the small things and the big things.

And what can be bigger than the power of a dad to combat toxic masculinity?

What is Toxic Masculinity and the “Manosphere”?

Toxic masculinity is a way in which men and boys are culturally trained to behave, underpinned by three core tenants: toughness, anti-femininity and power. The “manosphere,” in turn, refers to a collection of online communities and influencers where such views thrive – promoting male victimhood and supremacy.

According to Heath Pearson, Ph.D., Assistant Professor of Cultural Anthropology and Justice & Peace Studies at Georgetown University, toxic masculinity can be thought of at both the individual and the superstructural scale. Much like the monster in Stranger Things, Pearson analogizes, toxic masculinity has always been burbling beneath the surface of American society but now has been called back to the surface. And, he explains, social media is a primary space where this hypermasculinity is promoted, taught and incentivized.

Children, and boys in particular, hear these messages in society and follow them on social media. They talk about popular figures like Andrew Tate or Adin Ross, might explore pseudoscientific theories like the 80/20 rule, or try out manosphere lingo (red pill, AMOG, AWALT). On an international scale, educators have had to reckon with the weaponization of “Your body, my choice” in schools, along with increases in other sexist speech and discriminatory behavior.

Even in my own household, my 7- and 9-year-old boys have tried on tough-guy personas and talk about Logan Paul. How many times have I had to remind my first grader not to call me “bruh” or “gurl”?

Sure, I can remind my boys to respect women and girls, to learn from them, to treat them well. But young people want role models, which is one of the reasons influencers in the manosphere have become so, well, influential in the first place.

What Does This Have to Do With Dads?

Of all of the things that fathers can model for their kids, a healthy view of masculinity should be at the forefront. Not all nuclear families include both a mother and a father, and not all parents are in heterosexual relationships. But having a father-figure involved (in any form) can be beneficial in combatting toxic bro-culture.

According to analysis from the American Institute for Boys and Men, children can learn effective ways to solve problems, interact with others and regulate their emotions just by watching their dad. How does he react in stressful situations? How does he treat and talk about women? What tasks does he take on at home? Dads can model male relationships and masculinity in ways that differ from the manosphere’s influence.

Supporting Fathers in the DMV

If we are going to raise strong, emotionally healthy children, we have to support the fathers in our community. And organizations in the DC area are doing just that.

Fairfax County Department of Family Services, Father Engagement Unit (Fairfax, Va.): Fairfax County’s Father Engagement Unit aims to strengthen the involvement of fathers in their children’s lives through programs that promote active participation and provide parenting resources and support. The unit offers Dads Parenting Groups, one-on-one support services and a series of advice videos. Father Engagement Unit Supervisor Bennie Herron describes the unit as “a small but mighty team of three.” “We are grateful to impact families in our community with our program,” he says, “and we look forward to continuing to build a strong legacy of father engagement practice in Fairfax County.”
Bright Beginnings Fatherhood Initiative (DC): The Bright Beginnings Fatherhood Initiative is a comprehensive program that includes a 12-week course and individual coaching sessions. Participants attend classes, engage in the community, volunteer in their child’s classroom and attend field trips and center programs. The BBI Fatherhood Specialist collaborates across all departments to ensure that fathers receive equal access to BBI services.
The Housing Opportunities Commission’s Fatherhood Initiative Program (Montgomery County, Md.): The HOC’s Fatherhood Initiative Program is available to fathers who have children living in HOC housing, participate in HOC housing programs or are registered on the HOC Housing Path Wait List. Using a critically acclaimed curriculum, the program helps fathers develop healthier relationships with their children and offers access to continuing adult education and workforce development resources, with the opportunity to become certified in a variety of specialty areas.

As we celebrate dads this month, let’s remember just how important they are. The manosphere may be filled with shocking language and stereotypes, but fathers are the OG influencers.