With candy, cards and often a school party, Valentine’s Day can be very exciting for children. But along with the excitement some children are feeling fear and trepidation. Even in elementary school, Valentine’s Day is a high-stakes holiday and can be emotionally exhausting, especially for an introverted child. There are many steps parents can take to make sure that introverted children have just as much fun as their extroverted classmates. To discover some of these steps, I interviewed school psychologist Kayla Tucker.
At School
These days, most school classes have the rule that one valentine be brought for each child. However, if your child is anxious about this part of the day, it will help to find out from the teacher if this is true at your child’s school.
Tucker emphasizes that talking to your child’s teacher can be incredibly helpful. “Teachers generally appreciate knowing when a child may need extra support, and this opens the door for collaboration. Parents could start the conversation by saying something like, ‘My child often feels overwhelmed during larger group activities, and I want to work together to make sure they feel more comfortable on Valentine’s Day.’ If the teacher is open to adjusting the celebration, it’s helpful for parents to have some concrete suggestions ready to go. They might suggest their child hand out valentines in smaller batches or take breaks as needed. Then, the teacher can share their own ideas, and they can collaborate to find the best solution for the child.”
There may even be another overwhelmed child in the same class, in which case she might set them up with a one-on-one activity that they would both like. Alternatively, a child (or parent and child) might set up a signal to the teacher so that the child can participate in high-energy activities while still having an easy out when needed.
At this age, it is also helpful for children to begin learning for themselves when they need a break from the high energy of the classroom. According to Tucker, “At this age, children are still developing basic social-emotional skills, including self-awareness, which means they’re just starting to understand their own limits and how to manage them. A child might feel the need for a break if they start fidgeting, go quiet or withdraw from group activities. Teaching them how to recognize these signs is important. Once they’re aware, they can use simple strategies like raising their hand to ask for a break or move to a quieter part of the room if that’s been prearranged with the teacher.”
At Home
Once school is over, parents can help make the day even more special by hosting a low-key Valentine’s Day. Any or all of these ideas might make your child’s day extra special, especially if you can do them one-on-one while a sibling spends time with the other parent:
- Write them a special card or note. Any child would love this memento, but it may mean more to a child who enjoys a quiet moment.
- Why not add exercise and go for a walk together?
- Read a Valentine-themed book together. The public library is a great place to find many of them!
If you’re wondering if your day is going as planned just check in with your child. The lessons they can learn about themselves will serve them well as they develop. This is the ideal time for your child to learn more about whether they prefer quiet or noise, for example, or one-on-one time with people or small groups. Ultimately this will give them a strong sense of identity and confidence in who they are, which will give them a strong start to becoming well-adjusted adults.
Teacher and writer Jill Morgenstern has four children and a master’s degree in teaching reading.
Liam McCrickard holds a B.A. in creative and professional writing from Goucher College. He is former assistant editor at Washington Parent. He works as a freelance designer, writer and editor of tabletop role-playing games.
Jill Morgenstern is a teacher and Jewish Sunday school teacher. She has four children and a Master’s Degree in teaching reading.
