November 2010

Moms and Dads, Put Down the Camera

By Lynne Ticknor, M.A.

In the past decade, we’ve seen the Minivan Mom, then the Soccer Mom, followed closely by the Security Mom, the Hockey Mom, and the Helicopter Parent. Now the digital age has given us the Paparazzi Mom―or the Momarazzi.

With the proliferation of smartphones that take videos and snapshots with the click of a button and provide instant access to Facebook, Twitter and other social media, moms and dads today can follow their offspring as if they were little celebrities, digitally recording every moment of their children’s lives.

At a McDonalds recently, I watched a mom tweet that she was sharing a Happy Meal with her beloved child. Then, she took a dozen pictures and a video of little Suzie sliding down the Play Place slide. Once the reserve of professional supermodels, posing for photos and videos today is so commonplace among preschoolers that many will automatically strike a pose for mom’s iPhone at the bottom of the slide. Uninterrupted play has become a luxury.

Before I finished my latte, Suzie’s mom already had posted the video on Facebook and emailed the pictures to three sets of grandparents. There’s a common joke among moms who digitally record everything: If you don’t capture the moment on camera, it’s like it never really happened.

The Paparazzi Parent Defined

One Urban Dictionary entry defines the Momarazzi as “moms who insist on taking picture after picture after picture of their children with Santa, at the park, playing soccer, all while yelling at their children to ‘smile better.’ Most of the time, they're too busy taking pictures to notice what's happening on the other side of the camera or cell phone.”

Popular kids' entertainer Richard Peeples, aka Mr. Richard, has made a music video about the phenomenon. In his “Say Cheese” video, he mocks moms and dads compelled to snap pictures of their kids doing everyday things like eating cereal, getting a drink of water, reading books and watching television.

Why do we need all these pictures? Photographing developmental milestones such as learning to walk, the first toothless grin and the first day of school―sure, that’s a parent’s job. No one will deny a proud parent’s inclination to go a little shutter crazy during those times. But, come on, who needs dozens of mediocre snapshots of kids eating a Happy Meal at McDonalds or riding in the back seat of the minivan?

Pam Gully, a Potomac mom of three, knows the answer is moderation. “If it’s a special event, then by all means, record it with video or snapshots,” she says. “It only becomes a problem when parents become obsessed with it.”

The Adverse Effects of Paparazzi Parenting

A number of recent publications have cautioned parents that excess praise is not good for children and, over the long term, actually has the opposite effect of what parents hope for. Articles such as “How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Inverse Power of Praise” (New York Magazine, February 19, 2007), “The Most Praised Generation Goes to Work” (The Wall Street Journal, April 20, 2007) and “How to Land Your Kid in Therapy” (The Atlantic, July/August 2011) follow in the wake of Alfie Kohn’s landmark book,Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes (Houghton Mifflin, 1999).

What exactly is praise? The dictionary definition is “1. To express warm approbation of, commendation for, or admiration for, 2. To extol or exalt; worship.” If the number of pictures posted on Facebook is any indication of how much we admire and worship our children, then it seems we are doing a lot of praise.

With all this time and energy devoted to photographing and videotaping, it’s no wonder many children today act as though the world revolves around them. We, the parents, are giving the kids every reason to believe that it actually does! We are giving our children an inflated sense of importance.

The Positive Side

Certainly, there are benefits to our digitally enhanced ability to capture meaningful moments. Relatives who live far away can enjoy watching a video of a piano recital and collecting pictures of important events. Appropriate use of technology can strengthen relationships that might otherwise atrophy.

Video-calling services, such as Skype and FaceTime, allow face-to-face interaction with faraway family and friends. This works well for Gully, whose 4-year-old twins Skype with Gully’s mom every Sunday. “For her, it’s even better than talking on the phone. When my boys are in front of the computer, they can show my mom things like their favorite toys and books,” says Gully, whose mother lives in Boston.

The Cure

Fortunately, the career of the true Momarazzi appears to be relatively short. By the time the toddlers and preschoolers reach the end of elementary school, the shutter speed isn’t fast enough to avoid the child’s hand held up as a stop sign, a universal signal to well-meaning parents that enough is enough.

Guidelines for Shutterbug Parents

Instead of...

Consider...

Photographing every event all the time

Photographing milestones and, once in a while, everyday actions

Sharing photos and videos with lots of people, most of whom don’t care that much

Sharing photos with a select group of family members and close friends

Talking about how your kids look and what they are doing in the photo

Talking about the memory or emotions that the picture evokes

Attending and photographing every school event, sporting event, field trip, holiday, etc.

Attending and photographing only those events that are meaningful to your child.

Posting countless videos on social media networks for loved ones to watch

Skyping or using FaceTime to promote genuine interaction between the child and her loved one

Lynne Ticknor is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) in Kensington and admits to taking a lot of pictures of her children. For more information about PEPs parenting classes and workshops, visit PEPparent.org or call 301-929-8824.