May 2010

Well-Versed in Parenting

Experiencing Motherhood Through Poetry

By Julie Bloss Kelsey

Poetry? Who has time for poetry?

I've loved creative writing since I was a child. But somewhere along the way, I gave up writing poetry. Today, my days are spent shuttling kids to and from school, checking homework, cooking dinner and mediating fights. My life is never quiet; I seldom have time to be contemplative. Can a suburban mom really write poetry?

"Yes, you can," says Sage Cohen, author of the forthcoming book, The Productive Writer: Tips & Tools to Help You Write More, Stress Less, and Create Success (Writer's Digest Books, 2010). "You can right now. Pull out a piece of paper and go."

Cohen's previous book, Writing the Life Poetic: An Invitation to Read and Write Poetry (Writer's Digest Books, 2009), was designed with the new poet in mind. "The whole purpose of the book is to help people tune into the poetry of their lives and start writing it down," she says. "There are 80 short chapters to get everyone awake, engaged, inspired and writing." Her poetry collection, Like the Heart, the World, was published in 2007.

As a teacher and writing coach, Cohen says that she felt compelled to write a book welcoming people back to poetry. "I have been working with writers for most of my adult life," says Cohen. "Most adults do not feel that poetry is something that is available to them ... I wanted to write a book that was friendly and fun. [We'll] be learning about poetry for the rest of [our lives]. It doesn't mean that we have to be serious and grumpy about it."

Aren't Motherhood and Poetry Like Oil and Water?

Cohen is familiar with the challenges that family life places on a poet. Her son woke up every two to three hours each night for the first year of his life.

"What poetry trained me to do was to show up and be present," she says. Instead of being upset about how uncomfortable she was, Cohen tried to live in the moment and fully experience what was happening. "That really got me through a long 14 months. Motherhood shakes everything upside down and says, ‘You will be.'" Poetry demands the same presence of mind.

"Until I started sleeping through the night, I was just too tired for poetry. Everything was too present tense." In the past few months, since her son is no longer up all night, Cohen has been able to reflect upon her experiences and turn them into poems. "For me, poetry happens when I take a step back" and digest the experience, she says.

When asked about the similarities between poetry and motherhood, Cohen answers, "Motherhood is a training ground for poetry; poetry is a training ground for motherhood. Both feed each other for me."

"Motherhood heightens one to poetry, period," she says. "Motherhood opens the floodgates to the universal. I feel so much more connected to the human experience of all kinds [since the birth of my son]. I feel far more vulnerable and far more connected." The process of reading and writing poetry invites a similar connection.

"Motherhood and birth shake open the container of who we once were. It's like a death and birth [of ourselves]. An incredible amount of energy is available to us from those transformations."

I'd Like to Explore Parenting Through Poetry. Where Do I Start?

"Read widely," says Cohen. Don't limit yourself to parent-authors. "Consider all poetry as relevant to motherhood. Be curious [as to] what is appealing along the way."

Sharon Olds is "one of the classic mom-poets," says Cohen. She "writes extremely intimate portraits of her kids" in books like The Gold Cell. "Beth Ann Fennelly has a book called Tender Hooks. It's an interesting [read]."

Browse the Internet. There is a wide range of websites celebrating parenting through verse. Online journals range from the serious, like Literary Mama ( literarymama.com), to off-beat and humorous, such as errant parent (errantparent.com).

Cohen pens a column for Read Write Poem (readwritepoem.org), an online community for poets complete with poetry prompts and forums for questions. She also likes Wild Poetry Forum (wildpoetryforum.com) and PoetrySpeaks (poetryspeaks.com).

Local organizations, like the Writer's Center in Bethesda, offer classes and workshops on poetry (see sidebar). Check your local library and bookstore for upcoming poetry readings.

How Can I Find Time to Write Poetry?

"Treasure the margins," says Cohen. "Find ways to make yourself available to poetry in the spaces that you have instead of saying, ‘Oh, I don't have enough time.'"

Cohen keeps note cards next to the bed, near the bathtub and in her purse. "I have them all around me so that I'm ready" to write poetry down when inspiration strikes. "I may not have a lot of time, but I'm committed to getting it down." This practice of receptivity is critical, according to Cohen. You need the discipline of writing frequently.

Gratitude is important," she adds. "Be grateful for whatever time you have instead of grumpy about the time that you used to have."

Cohen suggests, "Give yourself a gift on Mother's Day, and invite your family to give you a little retreat, an hour to yourself in a café or a bookstore, an overnight stay ... whatever fits. Make Mother's Day a celebration of you and what you are passionate about."

Are you interested in creative writing? The Writer's Center "is a writers' community for people who are serious about their writing ... and want to learn in a safe and friendly environment," says Kyle Semmel, publications and communications manager. Most workshops are offered in Bethesda, but The Writer's Center also holds classes and events in Arlington, Leesburg and online.

Workshops are available for writers of all ages, including courses like Poetry for High Schoolers and Kids Write for Kids, a class for 8- to 11-year-olds. However, the bulk of the center's offerings are geared to adults.

Semmel recommends Getting Started: Creative Writing (next offered July 6) as a good introductory workshop for new adult writers. He says it's a perfect workshop to "get your feet wet," whether you want to write poetry, creative nonfiction or fiction. New writers come away with the feeling that, "I can do this," says Semmel.

For those interested in poetry, Semmel suggests Making it New: Modern Poetry with Nan Fry (June 15). She "takes the [difficulty] out of reading poetry" and makes modern poetry accessible, says Semmel. Parents might also enjoy Moms and Dads Write, a memoir class with Beth Kanter (June 8).

For more information, visit The Writer's Center online at writer.org or call 301-654-8664.

Sharing poetry with your children is a wonderful way to welcome the musicality of words into your home.

The waitress

kneels to place Theo's fallen
shoe on his foot with the care
 
of a courtier. As she speaks
his name, both faces break
 
from bud to blossom. Foot
in hand, she tells him
 
There are buildings like this
everywhere, with women
 
like me in them.
I have been eating
 
pink and white and red
peanut M&Ms made
 
for Valentine's Day and sold
at a post-romantic discount.
 
I know that once we reach
a certain age, faces no longer
 
open. I press the cut flower
of this promise to my chest,
 
clutch the menu, quietly say
into the space where I just asked
 
for pancakes, may my son always
feel welcomed, simply for walking
 
into a restaurant, sitting down,
dropping his shoe.
  -- Sage Cohen

Julie Bloss Kelsey is a freelance writer and mother of three living in the Washington, D.C., area. She started writing haiku in earnest following the birth of her daughter last year. You can visit her online at her poetry blog, Stars in My Sugar Bowl (starsinmysugarbowl.blogspot.com).