March 2009
Ages & Stages
Practice Makes Progress
By Robbye Fox
Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.
- Henry Van Dyke
The situation is played out in homes everywhere. Your child begs and pleads for you to let him start playing the trumpet/guitar/drums. He promises to practice every day without ever having to be reminded. He may even offer to help pay for the lessons or instrument rental. You relent to his pleadings thinking it would be nice to have a musical prodigy in the family. Too soon, the "newness" of the instrument wears off, and it becomes the household dust collector sitting in a corner six days out of seven until it's unveiled in time for that week's lesson. Now it's your turn to do the begging and pleading, and perhaps even threatening and bribing, as you want your child to follow through on his promises and not let all the money for the instrument and lessons go to waste.
Are you hoping to avoid this scenario in your house? Or are you already immersed in the power struggle of perfect practice and wondering how you can "make" your child follow through without always having a battle?
Though there's no fail-safe method of making a child carry out a promise, there are some steps parents can take to increase the likelihood of their child's sticking with it and ultimately viewing the experience of playing a musical instrument positively.
Keep the eye on the prize: By having a positive, long-term view of the value of music education in your child's life, you can become less entrenched in the day-to-day battle of practice. Recognize that there's more to playing an instrument than pounding out hours of practice time. Playing an instrument can help your child develop discipline, music appreciation and a sharper memory. Keeping a positive attitude and acknowledging any progress your child makes with an instrument can keep him at it longer and help you ride through the periods of disinterest.
Give positive power: The responsibility for practicing regularly and advancing in ability belongs to your child, so give him the power to do so. Let him choose where and when he will practice. Some children want to practice in the privacy of their own room, while others like having Mom or Dad sitting close by. Early risers may like to knock out 15 minutes of practice time in the morning before school, while others (especially teenagers) will want to do it late at night.
Try to give your child power over his short- and long-term goals. You may be picturing a future in the symphony when all he really wants is to be able to jam with a band one day. Also allow your child to mix in some of his own music choices to help break up the monotony of practicing the more classical pieces often required in lessons.
If possible, involve your child in selecting his teacher: When her daughter Rachel's violin teacher moved away after three years of lessons, Elizabeth Gelfeld of Takoma Park arranged trial lessons with three different instructors and allowed Rachel to choose the one she preferred. "The relationship between student and teacher is probably the most important factor in a student's progress," Gelfeld says. She was surprised when Rachel chose the most demanding of the three teachers. Gelfeld then decided to turn the issue of practice time completely over to her daughter and teacher in order to end the power struggles, and she communicated this to the teacher. "This was not easy for me, as I had music lessons throughout my childhood and had strong opinions about practice." Now a senior in high school, Rachel has made the Senior All State Orchestra all three of her eligible years.
View all the world as a stage: Some children dread the drudgery of practicing alone but delight in performing. Use visits by friends, neighbors and family as opportunities to turn practice time into performance time. Involve siblings in setting up a stage and making tickets. You can utilize video technology such as Skype or post videos of your child's performances on YouTube so he can perform for grandparents and other relatives who live out of town. Brent Reynolds of Springfield encourages his kids to use their computer's GarageBand software, which allows them to record their music and splice other tracks into it to create a band or musical piece. "A great route with kids is to create opportunities for them to see the direct and quick benefit of hours of practice through their own innovation," Reynolds says.
Set up for success: Have a designated place and equipment for practicing so it's easy for your child to sit down and get started. Encourage him to schedule practice time for when he is less likely to be hungry, tired or frustrated.
Engage positively: Instead of focusing on the times your child doesn't practice or plays poorly, notice what he is doing well. When her daughter Louisa asked to start playing the violin at age 4, Marjie Thompson-Longshore of the District enrolled her in the Suzuki method, which requires parents to attend every lesson. "I always try to point out the things I notice that are going well, such as, ‘I noticed that you kept your bow hand soft all the way until your bow went to the E string,' or ,‘Those notes on the A string were clear,'" she says. Even if you don't know the specifics about the instrument, you can make detailed observations. "I definitely find that focusing on what is good brings out more good and makes us both do better," Thompson-Longshore says.
You can also engage and enhance your child's experience by taking a healthy interest in music featuring his instrument of choice by listening to it in the car or watching professional performances on television or in person. There are a variety of different styles of music for each instrument, including jazz, pop, film scores and classical. Even discussing how an instrument is constructed and generates sound shows a positive interest in what your child is playing and takes the spotlight off practice time.
Be clear about your own agenda: If you are pushing your child to follow through with musical lessons because of your own regret at quitting the piano as a child, acknowledge this to yourself and to your child and consider taking lessons yourself. Trish Pannuto of Germantown was an accomplished piano player when she chose to quit late in high school. "My parents were very disappointed, but they let me do it." As an adult, the first major purchase she made once she could afford it was a piano. "Giving up an instrument isn't a permanent thing if it's not a power struggle," she says.
Robbye Fox is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP). PEP offers parenting education and support to parents with kids of all ages, from birth through teenagers. PEPparent.org